Fri. Apr 19th, 2024

This was originally a series of fantasy sequences that appeared in my script No Place Like Home. The rest of it was a gritty story of radical protest and homelessness. The complete fantasy scenes are presented here without all the angsty reality stuff. The Claire Creatures are obviously based on The B-52’s, one of my favourite rock/pop bands. I love what we might call fifties escapism. And I love those classic scifi movies of the fifties: Forbidden Planet, the Day the Earth Stood Still, War of the Worlds, all that. I wanted to combine that with one of my favourite escapist genres of the sixties – namely, beach party movies. The B’s fit right in there.

THE GALACTIC EXCHANGE PLAN

(previously ‘The Claire Creatures’)

Excerpted from NO PLACE LIKE HOME

By

Russell Forden

1. Exterior. A starscape.

A small flying saucer (circa 1950’s sci-fi ‘B’ movies) coming into view against a cheap-looking background of stars.

FADE UP SOUND: An eerie, unearthly, cool sci-fi instrumental, a la Peter Gunn, or possibly Planet Claire, by the B 52’s.

The flying saucer comes into foreground, or at least close enough for us to see the ‘make’ of the flying saucer, written in Claire language, on the side of the hull. It now reads ‘Plymouth Satellite’.

2. Interior flying saucer.

CONTINUE MUSIC.

Inside the saucer, which includes the usual luminous panels, weird gadgetry, large starlit viewscreen and dim interior lighting, etc, we see its occupants – FIVE HUMANOID CREATURES from the planet Claire! (called collectively ‘the Claire creatures’). Two are women, two are men, and the last occupant is a male android.

The overall appearance is sort of Lost In Space androids meet the B 52’s: silver, black, or dark purple catsuits of various space age designs; neat, multi-coloured hair, with the occasional pair of sunglasses – for the men, whose names are NUVO and COSMO. A strange spikey helmet and silver skin as well for the male android, who is called BA NEE. Tight, fluorescent slacks, elaborate arm bracelets and earrings, and hair that is meringued out in strange ways to suggest only a couple of bouffant wigs gone wild – one red, one black – for the women, whose names are ASTRA and CAN D.

ASTRA and NUVO stare sternly at the viewscreen, giving orders in Claire language, which is SUBTITLED.

Background music muted underneath. The mood is serious.

NUVO

Estimated arrival at destination?

CAN D, sitting by an instrument panel, twiddling dials, etc.

CAN D

Estimated arrival in 3-2 hours.

NUVO

Course maintained?

CAN D

Course straight and true.

ASTRA

Excellent.

ASTRA looks at NUVO and smiles. We didn’t know she could smile.

ASTRA

Let’s party!

Background music brought up. Cue ‘eerie synthesizers’.

COSMO flicks a switch that puts the ship into automatic and sets off a psychedelic light show inside the saucer.

ASTRA and CAN D, yelling in delight, leave their posts and begin to dance. They do their ‘Claire dance’ – a combination of go-go, frug, watusi, etc. It is a tribal, pursuasive dance that holds its audience spellbound and is almost always done to the beat of the background tune (ie, Planet Claire). They do this dance a number of times throughout the story.

Even BA NEE, the android, who appears somewhat stiff, shakes his head to the beat. The three male crew members play weird musical instruments that suddenly appear in place of the instrument panels.

3. Exterior. The starscape.

CONTINUE MUSIC.

The flying saucer headed towards a planet seen in the distance – Earth.

4. Exterior. A Beach in AustralIa.

We see a large domed hut amidst some palm trees. It is in fact the Claire Creatures’ space ship in disguise. Small children play near it, and some people walk past, looking with Interest. All wear early sixties beach costumes and look very fifties/sixties-ish.

We see a well-tanned well-muscled BEACH SPECIMEN flexing out and exercising on the beach nearby. It’s actually BA NEE, the Claire’s android, who now is disguised as a human. A couple of girls in bikinis slowly come up to him.

FIRST GIRL

Hey mister, do you surf?

BA NEE stops, looks puzzled. He speaks with an American accent.

BA NEE

Uh, I don’t know. What’s that?

SECOND GIRL

(excited)

He’s American! Of course he surfs!

FIRST GIRL

You know. It’s what they’re doing out there.

We see surfers on their boards in the water.

BA NEE

(uncertainly)

Uh, I guess so…

(suddenly confident)

Sure!

FIRST GIRL

Do you have a board?

BA NEE

No.

FIRST GIRL

Wait here.

The girls run over to where a bunch of guys with surf boards and their girls are watching the surfing. They speak to one particular YOUNG SURFER. One of the girls whispers in his ear and points to BA NEE. He gets excited.

YOUNG SURFER

(faintly)

Really? An American?

BA NEE, watching all of this, looks sheepish and shyly waves to him. The surfer and the girls run over to him. The surfer gives him the board.

YOUNG SURFER

Here y’are, buddy. Go to it!

BA NEE, who obviously hasn’t surfed in his lIfe, looks embarrassed and takes the board gingerly. He makes a move to give it back, but decides to turn and face the surf. He knows what is expected of him.

SPECTATORS

Okay!

BA NEE goes into the surf, to the cheers of the crowd, who have come down to the surf to watch. After a shaky start he surfs exceedingly well – much to his surprise – and enjoys it.

The crowd on the beach are awe-struck.

SPECTATOR 1

Wow!

SPECTATOR 2

Only a Yank could do that!

5. INTERIOR. THE ABODE/SPACESHIP. DAY.

ASTRA stands in a large glass BOOTH, still in her ‘alien’ garb. She wears a green hoop skirt with very sharp edges jutting out at the shoulders. NUVO, looking slightly out of place in Earth civilian wear, which includes black shorts and a black t-shirt and sunglasses, (which he never takes off), sits outside of the BOOTH at an instrument panel. ASTRA’s speech is in English, with a definite AMERICAN ACCENT. In fact, all the

CLAIRES speak with AMERICAN ACCENTS!

ASTRA

(bored)

Okay, Nuvo, turn the thing on.

NUVO twiddles the dials. Inside the BOOTH a CLAIRE LANDSCAPE has sprung up around ASTRA (The BOOTH is a sort of automatic clothes fitter and hologrammic environment producer and mirror).

We see a very futuristic landscape: faintly red, with a very orange horizon, strange blue/green and red trees amidst tall, elegant, spindly buildings with ringlets and spirals, smooth,spacious pavements and sleek monorail transport. (Should look very 50s sci-fi, a la ‘Forbidden Planet’, etc).

ASTRA

Try number 52.

NUVO twiddles dials and a NEW SCENE appears – a beach of white, crushed shells, high dunes of a vivid lemon sherbet yellow, small pink clouds in a glorious gold ocean sunset.

ASTRA looks fetching in black leotards and stockings, high heels and a brown, see-through wrap, with a more subdued, rust-coloured meringue hair-do. The sunset plays on her body all the while.

ASTRA

Okay, give me a rotate on this one.

The HOLOGRAMMIC CAMERA within the BOOTH slowly CIRCLES around her, transmitting the image back to the mirror as it goes so that, as ASTRA looks in the mirror in front of her, she gets a 360 degree view of herself and her simulated environment.

ASTRA

Not bad. But it won’t do for this

planet. At least, not here. Try 26.

ANOTHER SCENE appears. It is a more conventional Earth-type beach scene. This time ASTRA wears shorts and a top with an American flag theme. The subdued rust-coloured meringue hair-do is still there, but she now has some make-up on and two little spherical earrings that dangle near her shoulder. The overall effect is slightly outrageous but acceptable.

ASTRA

Perfect!

COSMO is heard talking OFF SCREEN

COSMO

(OS through an intercom)

C’mon Astra, aren’t you dressed yet. Surf’s up!

ASTRA

What’ s that mean?

COSMO

(OS, uncertain)

Surf? How should I know? That’s just

something they do here. C’mon!

ASTRA

Alright, Cosmo, we’re comin’.

ASTRA gets out of the BOOTH and goes outside with NUVO. The door lock is air-sealed and very sophisticated.

6. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH, DAY.

SHOTS of SURF and SURFIES.

ASTRA and NUVO meet COSMO and CAN D outside in front of the ABODE. COSMO has a walkie-talkie and is wearing sandals and Hawaiian shorts – which show off his knobby knees and a t-shirt with a picture of ANNETTE FUNICELLO on it. He is tall and skinny and looks vaguely daggy in the clothes. CAN D wears a short, yellow go-go type dress with ruffles at the bottom. Her black hair has been let down in a long ponytail which comes around at the front. She is very thin, and also wears sunglasses.

They walk along the beach past BEACH PEOPLE.

NUVO

Some place they’ve got here!

COSMO

Yeah.

CAN D

Where’s Ba Nee, he should have reported

in by now?

COSMO

Here he comes now.

NUVO

Wow!

We see BA NEE, the ANDROID. He is a bit wet from his surfing. A group of ADMIRERS are with him. They follow BA NEE as he joins the CLAIRE CREATURES.

NUVO

(impressed)

Well done!

BA NEE smiles,

ASTRA

Good reconnaissance.

BA NEE straightens up, looks serious.

The SCENE BLINKS OFF WITH STATIC, like a computer or television being turned off. (This EFFECT will occur whenever we CUT TO or CUT FROM a SCENE involving the CLAIRE CREATURES).

7. EXTERIOR. The BEACH. SUNSET.

It is almost SUNSET and the sun looks orange and beautiful on the horizon of the ocean. Some GIRLS and GUYS play volleyball on the BEACH. BA NEE is helping a LITTLE GIRL balance on a surfboard.

The CLAIRE CREATURES stand admiring the SUNSET’s orange glow.

NUVO

Looks all right doesn’t it?

CAN D

It’s not bad.

COSMO

(with some

feeling)

It reminds me of home.

ASTRA

Yes, it’s very nice, but we have work to do. We have to find that inventor. Where’s Ba Nee?

Further down the BEACH, a GIRL in a bikini (BETTY) goes up to BA NEE, who is still helping the LITTLE GIRL.

BETTY

C’mon Sally, we have to go now.

SALLY

Oh, do we really have to!

BA NEE

Hello.

BETTY is about to say ‘Yes’, when she sees BA NEE as if for the first time. Could this be love at first sight – for both of them? BA NEE, in particular, looks perplexed. He has never experienced this sensation before. It was never programmed into his circuits.

BETTY

Uh. . .Hello. . . I-I guess you could stay

for a 1ittle while.

SALLY

Yay!

BA NEE

She’s coming along fine. I’m Ba Nee.

BETTY

Oh. I’m Betty.

We see SALLY looking inquisitively at both of them. Finally, a look of bemused knowledge and understanding crosses her face.

Further along the BEACH, COSMO and CAN D watch the volleyball game.

The ball lands near them and COSMO picks it up. A GIRL comes over to collect it. She sees his t-shirt.

GIRL

Do you like Annette?

He is a bit confused. And then he sees the volleyball net, and pretends to know what she is talking about.

COSMO

Uh, yeah, it’s great.

Nearby, NUVO sees a GUY with a guitar slung under his arm like a surf board.

NUVO

Funny looking surfboard.

GUITAR GUY

(LAUGHS) Yeah. Do ya play?

NUVO

(cooly)

Yeah, we play a lot.

Another section of the BEACH, nearby. ASTRA speaks to a CLEAN CUT BOY.

ASTRA

Is there an old guy who lives around

here? Sort of eccentric? An inventor,

involved with radio waves or something?

BOY

Yeah, that sounds like the Professor. He

lives up there,

He points. We see a BEACH HOME high up, overlooking the BEACH.

ASTRA

The Professor?

BOY

Yeah. He teaches Science at the high

school and conducts experiments down

here in his spare time. Lately he’s been

trying to communicate with higher life

forms. He’s a bit weird, but he’ s

okay…How come scientists and inventors

are so weird?

ASTRA

Because, they’re always weird.

We see the HOUSE again. Then we see SOMEONE nearby looking upon the scene with BINOCULARS.

8. EXTERIOR. The BEACH – A HILL. DUSK.

THROUGH BINOCULARS we see that BA NEE

and BETTY are going off towards a secluded section of the BEACH. COSMO and CAN D have joined the VOLLEY-BALL PLAYERS, and a bonfire is being started on the BEACH. It is getting DARK.

VOICE

(os)

Oooh, it’s a lovely piece of beach-front, Mr Meise.

We see MR MEISE and his henchman, PARKER, who holds the BINOCULARS. MR MEISE is a tall, silver-haired man with a moustache and wearing a business suit. PARKER, crouching beside him, is a short, balding, bespectacled man, wearing an over-sized black coat over his business suit.

MR MEISE

What the devil are them young people

doing down there, Parker?

PARKER

Uh, I think they’re having fun sir.

We study MR MEISE intently.

MR MEISE

Fun!

He is incredulous.

The SCENE BLINKS with static.

9. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. NIGHT.

On the BEACH, GUYS and GIRLS are toasting bread and marshmallows on the bonfire, OTHERS are dancing to the accompaniment of the GUITAR GUY and ANOTHER GUY who plays bongo’s. Huge quantities of ‘Coke’ are being consumed – in the original old bottles. There is the sound of MUSIC, LAUGHTER and FUN.

CAN D and ASTRA sit amidst a group of SURFIE GUYS and GIRL$ near the bonfire, while C0SMO and NUVO dance outrageously nearby.

GIRL

I like your clothes. You American girls

sure dress differently.

ASTRA

Thanks.

GIRL

Where did you get that outfit, it’s

fantastic?

ASTRA

Uh, it’s just something I whipped up…

SURFIE GUY

(OFFERING A DRINK) Want a Coke?

CAN D

Sure. What’s a ‘Coke’?

A GAWKY GIRL sitting next to her gives a huge ‘horsey’ laugh.

A GIRL dancing with NUVO refers to his sunglasses.

GIRL

Don’t you find it hard to see with those

things on?

NUVO

(DANCING) Yes.

GIRL

Oh…

The MUSICIANS STOP PLAYING. We see the GUITAR GUY go over to NUVO, offering him his guitar. Apparently, he wants him to play.

As NUVO. and COSMO go over to the instruments a chorus of Coke bottles are raised, one at a time, to a number of lips. The last one belongs to CAN D, and she spits it out violently.

CAN D

Ugh, what is in this stuff?!

ASTRA

(quietly)

Just pretend you like it, okay? Fake the

conditioning.

COSMO and NUVO start playing. First COSMO plays a cool beat on the bongo’s, then NUVO lays down a ‘surfie-instrumental’ type version of the OPENING INSTRUMENTAL TUNE on guitar.

Some GUYS and GIRLS click their fingers or nod their heads to the beat. They all ‘dig it’. Some COUPLES get up and dance.

A MUSICAL DANCE SEQUENCE begins. The FULL BACKING MUSIC works its way (from out of nowhere) into the sequence at a DRAMATIC POINT, where CAN D and ASTRA suddenly appear, doing their ‘Claire Dance’. They hold the CROWD spellbound.

SURFIE GUY

Boy, watching then makes me real

Thirsty!

He grabs a Coke and slams it down. Looking at him nearby, a DOG barks, and salivates.

10. EXTERIOR. FURTHER DOWN THE BEACH. NIGHT.

A beautiful, calm, moon-1it ocean. The MUSIC is heard in the DISTANCE. BA NEE and BETTY frolic along the BEACH.

BETTY puts her towel down and flops onto it. BA NEE, running up behind her, does the same. They are both excited and out of breath.

BETTY

It’s so warm!

BA NEE seems overwhelmed by his idyllic surroundings.

BA NEE

I think I could stay here forever.

BETTY

Yes. If only…Hey, it’s our summer and

your winter now, isn’t it? Is that why

you came here?

BA NEE

Not really. (HE SEARCHES THE SKY) Do you

see that star up there? (POINTS)

BETTY

Where?

BA NEE

There, at the end of the three stars.

They move closer to each other.

BETTY

Oh, at the bottom of the ‘Teapot’ – or is that Orion? Yes… What about it?

BA NEE

(serious)

That’s where I come from.

BETTY

(LAUGHS) That’s wild! What’s your planet

called?

BA HEE

‘Claire’.

BETTY

‘Planet Claire’?

BETTY warms to his ‘wacky’ humour and becomes more affectionate, touching him. BA NEE is disarmed by her, but likes it.

BETTY

I like it. So, why did you come to

Earth, Space-doggy?

BA NEE

I’m not allowed to tell you. Not yet,

anyway.

BETTY

Hmm, top secret, hey?

BA NEE

Yes.

BETTY

Go on, tell me. I’ll torture you if you

don’t! I know: your mission is to bring

back Earth women so you can mate with

us! You beast!

She playfully forces herself onto him. He is bewildered and makes a weak resistance. They kiss. BA NEE’s circuitry is in a whirl.

BETTY

(shyly)

Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

BA NEE

Uh, no.

BETTY

Oh we do it all the time. Do you wanna

try?

BA NEE

Ah. . . All right.

BETTY

Great! (LAUGHS) Close your eyes.

BA NEE closes his eyes, wondering what’s in store for him, as BETTY takes off her clothes (OFF SCREEN) and runs down to the surf.

BETTY

You can open your eyes now…Come on in!

BETTY dives in, then only her head appears. BA NEE is almost at the water. He still has his bathers on.

BETTY

C’mon, no cheating…

BA NEE is confused, but on catching a glimpse of her nakedness in the water he gets the idea.

BETTY

(CONTINUED) Take them off…

He takes them off and throws then down. They land in the water. We see them glistening in the moonlit waters, floating away.

BA NEE and BETTY romp in the moonlit sea.

The SCENE BLINKS with static.

11. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. DAY.

Sun, BEACH, YOUNG REVELLERS eating watermelon, surfing, scuba diving, dancing to RADIO MUSIC. BAR NEE is seen having fun with BETTY. The CLAIRE CREATURES sit nearby, observing.

COSMO

Well, it looks like we won’t be doing much

today…

NUVO

Ba Nee’s having a good time.

CAN D

Do you think we should let him do that?

What if he falls in love? It might

twist up his circuitry or something.

ASTRA

He can’t fall in love, Can D, he’s a

robot! Anyway, we have got something to

do.

COSMO

What?

CAN D

Up there. That’s the Man’s house.

NUVO

Let’s go.

They go up to the HOUSE overlooking the BEACH.

12. EXTERIOR. BEACH. DAY.

PARKER, MR MEISE’S henchman, observes

through binoculars from a HILL. At first he concentrates on the CLAIRE CREATURE’S progress, then he trains his binoculars on the BEACH REVELLERS. He ogles the BIKINI-CLAD GIRLS.

13. EXTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S HOUSE. DAY.

THE CLAIRE CREATURES appear in the

PROFESSOR’S YARD. There is a telescope, a large radar dish and, incongruously, large paper mache DINOSAURS everywhere. There is a large glass sliding door that seems to lead into the HOUSE. The CLAIRES walk in.

14. INTERIOR. THE LAB/LOUNGE. DAY.

We see three-dimensional models of atomic structures, a black-board, bunsen-burners, test-tubes, a skeleton, a half section model of a human brain and other exotic scientific equipment.

The second half of the ‘Lab’ is actually a LOUNGE ROOM, done out in Fifties design, with an art deco couch, ergonomic chairs, coffee table, optic fibre lamps and an aquarium and, looking conspicuous, a single bed against a wall. There is a VIEW that looks out onto the BEACH and the OCEAN.

The PROFESSOR, a white-haired, bearded, sturdy-looking man, and wearing a white coat, is hunched over a table working on an experiment.

PROFESSOR

(NOT LOOKING UP) Come in, come in.

Finishing his work, he turns toward them, a large smile on face. He is very excited.

PROFESSOR

I’ve been waiting so long for you to

come. Welcome to Earth!

He shakes their hands. They crowd around him, smiling.

Dissolve to…

15. INTERIOR. THE LAB/LOUNGE. DAY.

Some time passes. The PROFESSOR hands

out drinks to the CLAIRE CREATURES, who sit in chairs and on the couch. The PR0FESS0R hands CAN D a drink.

PROFESSOR

There you are.

ASTRA

How did you know we were already here,

uh, professor?

PROFESSOR

(SITTING DOWN) Saw you land. I’ve been

watching the skies ever since I picked

up your signal. It was ingenious the way

you turned your spaceship into that

beach hut.

ASTRA

Well, we wouldn’t be here

if we hadn’t caught your signal in the

first place.

NUVO

Yeah, what do you have in mind, prof?

PROFESSOR

(surprised)

Why, the thrill of meeting a higher

intelligence, to have the benefit of

some of your vast knowledge of the

universe, I hope…

The CC’s all look blankly at each other.

COSMO

Sounds reasonable.

ASTRA

But what do you have to offer us in

return, Professor?

PROFESSOR

Not much, I’m afraid! (NERVOUS LAUGH)

He gets up and goes to the window.

PROFESSOR

(CONTINUED) The human race is a waste of

time. I want nothing to do with it. . .

Take the kids of today, for example. I

still don’t understand then. Oh, they’re

okay, there’s some good kids down there

– a few of them can actually think! –

but mostly they just want to have fun.

There’s no real social purpose, no

willingness to. . .work.

COSMO

Sounds reasonable.

The PROFESSOR doesn’t hear. He sees PARKER OUTSIDE spying on the BEACH. We see him, briefly.

PROFESSOR

There’s Meise’s man . He’s got his eye on

this beachfront and he’ll get it if we

don’t stop him. Turn it into some

gleaming ugly glass monstrosity.

COSMO is again about to say ‘sounds reasonable’ when ASTRA stops him. She wants to win the PROFESSOR’S confidence by agreeing with him.

The PROFESSOR goes over to the half section of brain.

PROFESSOR

See this thing?

He points to the base of the brain.

PROFESSOR

(CONTINUED) It’s the brain of our

ancestors, hiding under the brain we

have today. It’s called ‘the Reptile

Complex’. (POINTS TO HIS SKULL)

Underneath our Earth brains there’s

something like the brain of a crocodile,

something like one of those things out

there. (INDICATES DINOSAURS OUTSIDE ) But

it’s those kids down there, they’re the

ones who really scare me. They’re the

next generation.

ASTRA

I see your point, Professor. I’m glad

you’ve warned us about this. . . But I

still think we can, uh. . .do business.

Let me tell you why we came: we want to

promote Claire Culture on Earth to

give you the benefit of our vast

knowledge of the universe.

NUVO

We can make you a better race of people.

ASTRA

Yes, and in return all we ask is to

learn as much about your planet as we

can, so we can share your wonderful new

cultures, with all the others that are out

there!

COSMO

(solemnly)

Think of us as alien ambassadors of

peace and trade.

CAN D

Or intergalactic entrepreneurs!

PROFESSOR

Wonderful! I can give you all you need

to know about Earth – I’ve got

‘Bessy’…But how will you present

yourselves to the people of Earth

without causing a panic? It’s quite

likely, you know – they’re very

suspicious, very paranoid.

ASTRA

Ahh, that’s where you come in. We need

someone to help push the message, get

people used to the idea of our Galactic

Information Exchange Plan.

NUVO

(deadpan)

We need an advertising campaign.

16. EXTERIOR. PROFESSOR’S BACKYARD. DAY.

THE PROFESSOR is taking the CC’s to his BOMB SHELTER amidst the DINOSAURS.

PROFESSOR

…I have a friend who’s an ad man. I’ll

see what he can do.

COSMO

We want to start with the kids on the

beach. You know – rock n’ roll dances,

‘Coke’. It fits right in with the

Exchange Plan.

PROFESSOR

Here we are, here’s where I keep

‘Bessy’.

We see the entrance to a BOMB SHELTER.

PROFESSOR

(CONTINUED) It’s a bomb shelter. Watch

your step.

He presses a number of buttons on the SHELTER’s wall. The hatch opens, they go down the stairs.

17. INTERIOR. THE BOMB SHELTER. DAY.

We see a fairly clean though small interior. Shelves full of cans, generator, refrigerator, record player, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and Everly Brothers posters, a couch, chairs and a large, old IBM-type COMPUTER. Its lights and dials flash and it whirrs and clicks.

The CLAIRE CREATURES are excited and enthusiastic. They walk around the COMPUTER and around the BOMB SHELTER.

PROFESSOR

How do you like ‘Bessy’, isn’t she a

beaut? I built her myself. She’s got

more information in her about Earth and

Earth people than any other computer

that exists today. Our history,

economics, politics, social customs

you name it, Bessy’s got it.

COSMO

(aside)

Talk about primitive!

ASTRA

(aside)

This will be the perfect place to build

the Trism.

PROFESSOR

(proudly)

Well, waddya wanna know?

18. EXTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S HOUSE. DAY.

Outside we see two SUSPICIOUS-LOOKING CHARACTERS in a CAR parked by a road nearby observing the PROFESSOR’S H0USE. They are SECRET AGENTS STRONGBOW and CUTTLEFISH. STRONGBOW says something into

his CAR PHONE.

The SCENE BLINKS with static.

19. INTERIOR. THE CLAIRE’S SHIP. NIGHT.

We see a builder’s blue-print of the Trism, with all dimensions and specifications showing.

NUVO holds the blueprint. ASTRA and NUVO go over their blueprint for the Trism. Their plans are well under way, with two of them stationed in the SHIP, two up at the PROFESSOR’S place, and BA NEE nearby at BETTY’S PARENT’S HOUSE.

NUVO

Damn, they’ve given us one of the older

models!

ASTRA

Don’t complain, it’ll do the trick.

She calls the PROFESSOR’s place on her VIEWSCREEN. We hear a NOISE as the SCREEN is switched on.

ASTRA

Is the Prof’ ready?

COSMO’S face appears on the VIEWSCREEN.

COSMO

Yeah, he’s ready. Oh, Maynard wants to

know if he can come, too?

MAYNARD, a nerdy-looking youth who is skinny, has a goatee beard and is the PROFESSOR’S ASSISTANT, appears next to COSMO on the SCREEN. He gives a big idiot grin and speaks in a HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.

MAYNARD

Hi, Astra, can I come along?

ASTRA

If you must! Where’s Ba Nee, is he

ready?

COSMO

Uh, no, he hasn’t come down yet.

ASTRA

Why not?

COSMO

I think Betty’s having a pool party up

at her parent’s house.

ASTRA

Oh. Well, get him and bring him back,

okay? We’re coming up. (TURNS THE SCREEN

OFF) Soon the entire beachfront will

know about us!

20. EXTERIOR. BETTY’S HOUSE. NIGHT.

A very clean, modern and spacious HOUSE

with a large in-built swimming pool. BA NEE enters the HOUSE.

He goes into the HOUSE, past sliding glass doors.

21. INTERIOR. THE HOUSE. NIGHT.

Inside is wall-to-wall carpets, indoor plants and air-conditioned comfort. It is a testament to sleek, modern consumption. The feeling is like the cool of a warm night. He passes the huge, immaculate KITCHEN that has all the latest 50’s kitchen gadgets, and where BETTY’S MOTHER resides over her shiny pots and pans, preparing drinks. She looks like a typical 50’s TV consumer/housewife – skinny, attractive, wearing a dress.

BETTY’S MOTHER

Would you like a coke, Ba Nee?

BA NEE

Yes, thank you.

He goes on into the LOUNGE ROOM, where TWO CHILDREN lie in front of the television. One is SALLY, the other is BETTY’S LITTLE BROTHER. BETTY is on the couch.

He flops down next to her. We see that PRESIDENT KENNEDY is on the TV. He is talking about Vietnam or the ‘Cuban Crises’. We see some footage.

KENNEDY

(from TV)

‘Ask not what your country can do for

you, ask what you can do for your

country.’

Ignoring the TV, BA NEE moves closer to BETTY, puts his arm around her. They neck.

SALLY sees them, tells her BROTHER, they BABBLE. BETTY’S MOTHER comes in carrying a tray of Cokes. They quickly move apart.

BETTY’S MOTHER

Here you are, kids.

They take them gratefully. BA NEE’S RING suddenly begins to FLASH.

BETTY’S MOTHER

(AS SHE LEAVES) Oh, and Ba Nee, I think

your ring is beginning to flash.

BA NEE

(calmly)

Oh, thank you.

BETTY

(curious)

Ba nee? What is that?

BA NEE suddenly realises what it is for and gets up.

BA NEE

Sorry, Bet’, I hafta go.

BETTY

Oh, can’t you stay, for a little while

longer? (SHE POUTS) Just for me?

She bats her eyes appealingly.

BA NEE

Oh, alright.

He goes to her and they sit down again. We see him take the RING and drop it into a nearby pot plant.

22. EXTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S DRIVEWAY. NIGHT.

ASTRA, NUVO, CAN D, COSMO, THE PROFESSOR

and MAYNARD wait in the PROF’S old FX.

NUVO

What’s the place where we’re seeing this

character?

MAYNARD

‘The Purple Spider’. Don’t worry, it’s a

really cool place.

ASTRA

Well, he’s not coming. Let’s go.

COSMO

Can’t we wait a little longer?

NUVO

Yeah, can’t we give him a chance?

ASTRA

(firmly)

No. Look, he’s no longer responding to

orders! There’s nothing we can do for

him.

CAN D

Poor Ba Nee, I knew he’d crack up if he

got involved with an Earth girl…

They leave. Shortly we see a CAR following them.

The SCENE BLINKS with static.

23. EXTERIOR. A ROAD. NIGHT.

A YOUNG MAN, MR PARTRIDGE, drives his CAR along a BUSY STREET. He is obviously tired after a long day’s work. He wears, black rimmed glasses, a grey suit and tie and looks very ‘straight’.

SONG ‘Close Your Eyes’, by DORIS DAY can be heard.

SONG

Close your eyes.

Put your head on my shoulder and sleep.

Close your eyes, and I will close mine.

He seems very sleepy. SONG CONTINUES on as we survey the SIDEWALKS. A MOVIE HOUSE showing ‘West Side Story’ on the marquee, ROCKERS in their duck quills, huge gleaming CARS on the ROAD, a gaudy purple and green night club SIGN saying ‘The Purple Spider’.

SONG

Music play, something dreamy for dancing

While we’re here romancing.

It’s love’s holiday, and love will be our guide.

Close your eyes.

MR PARTRIDGE parks his CAR nearby.

24. INTERIOR. ‘THE PURPLE SPIDER’. NIGHT.

We slowly enter ‘The Purple Spider’ with MR PARTRIDGE. The SONG CONTINUES with a JAZZ PIANO SOLO, which we now see is being played by the club’s own JAZZ BAND and PIANO PLAYER.

‘The Purple Spider’ is very much a stereotyped ‘beat club’: smoky, dark, cramped full of ‘BEAT’ TYPES in goatee beards, berets, sunglasses and black clothes, tight dresses. There is a

small bar, thin coffee tables, cigarette machine and numerous ‘way-out’ wall paintings. A huge purple SPIDER, its eyes

glowing, hangs from the ceiling.

The PIANO PLAYER finishes his SOLO and a VINCE JONES-TYPE SINGER steps up to the microphone and, without missing a beat, launches into a COOL JAZZ VERSION of the ‘SpiderMan Theme’. The BAND’S SAXOPHANIST and DOUBLE BASS PLAYER jam with him as he twists and wriggles and interprets his way through the SONG.

SINGER

Spider Man, Spider Man,

Ooo, friendly neighbourhood Spider Man. Wow.

ETC

The BAND joins in. The SONG CONTINUES throughout the SCENE.

We see THE PROFESSOR, MAYNARD, MR PARTRIDGE and the CLAIRE CREATURES sitting around a coffee table. MR PARTRIDGE is writing things in his notebook. He seems tired but efficient.

Their little GROUP gets occasionally invaded by CURIOUS or FASCINATED ‘BEATS’.

MR PARTRIDGE

…What’s the campaign called?

CAN D

It’s called the ‘Galactic Information

Exchange Plan’.

ADMIRING BEAT

Love the threads. . .

ASTRA

We’re promoting ‘Claire Culture’, as

alien ambassadors of peace and trade.

MR PARTRIDGE

Sounds good. I’d advise you to tone down

the ‘alien’ angle a bit, though.

ASTRA

Okay.

COSMO

But that’s the whole point of the

Campaign!

CAN D

Don’t worry, we can work around it.

MR PARTRIDGE

That’s right. (CHUCKLES) After all, this

is advertising. Now, in your opinion,

what’s your main selling point?

MAYNARD

Are you kidding? Benefit from their vast

knowledge of the universe, access to

other planets and life forms. . .

PROF

Be quiet, Maynard!

MR PARTRIDGE

That’s okay. Sounds like a good, quality

product.

CURIOUS, AMAZED BEAT

We’re you’se from, man?

NUVO.

Planet Claire, man.

CURIOUS, AMAZED BEAT

Wherezat?

NUVO points his finger up to the ceiling.

CURIOUS, AMAZED BEAT

(LOOKS UP WIDE-EYED) Wow!

MR PARTRIDGE

Now, what about your target audience?

Who are you aiming for?

ASTRA

Oh, we’re looking at a youth market, for

the moment.

ASTRA

Yeah.

More and more BEATS begin to gather and

surround and listen to them, amazed.

MR PARTRIDGE

Surfers, kids hanging out on the beach,

gum chewers, rock n’ roll, that sort of

thing?

ASTRA

Yeah

More and more they gather and AUDIENCE OF BEATS, who surround and listen to them, amazed.

MR PARTRIDGE

(CRINGES)Okay. Good market: they’re earning a lot more these days. To get the high visibility you want that probably means TV, breakfast cereal packets, rock n roll concerts – how’s about we bring Coke in on this?

FADE CONVERSATION. We go back to the SINGER and his BAND.

SINGER

In the still of night,

At the scene of the crime,

Like a streak of light,

He arrives just in time.

In the crowd, bopping to the MUSIC, a GIRL notices MR PARTRIDGE and seems to recognise him. She goes over to him.

GIRL

Hey, Davy…Davy Partridge, where’ve you

been, man? I missed you!

PARTRIDGE recognises her. He is embarrassed.

MR PARTRIDGE

I don’t come here anymore.

GIRL

Where do you go, then?

MR PARTRIDGE

I work.

GIRL

Square!

She leaves, disappointed.

BEATS IN THE AUDIENCE

Yeah, that’s really square, man.

MR PARTRIDGE

(GETS UP, BLUSHING) Now, if that’s all,

I’ve had a hard day, and I’d like to go

home, where my mother will look after me

and give me warm milk, cookies and rest. I will contact you again soon. Goodbye. (HE

LEAVES)

CAN D

…So, who were those guys tailing us

before, Prof? What deadly secret do you

have hidden in your past?

PROF

Ha! They are after my secrets, and they

will never have them!

COSMO

This isn’t the first time they’ve tried?

PROF

No…It started back in the 40’s. I was

working at an experimental installation.

Top secret.

He leans over and WHISPERS. BEATS in the AUDIENCE lean forward as well.

PROF

But, between you and me, it was funded

by. . . one of the Superpowers and we were

to develop new weapons, for reasons they

would not tell us. Ha! So, what was I

supposed to do – calmly sit and eat

bread and cheese and eagerly discuss

events, like Kropotkin, while chaos and

pandemonium are all around?

An INSERT SHOT of KROPOTKIN, a bearded, balding and bespectacled old Russian anarchist theorist, sitting in a DUSTY CAFE, with some FRIENDS, calmly eating bread and cheese and eagerly discussing events while chaos and revolution and murder, etc, can be seen OUTSIDE.

END INSERT SHOT.

EVERYONE LAUGHS, especially the BEATS. One wipes a tear of laughter away.

The JAZZ BAND are now back into their PIANO SOLO (similar to the first PIANO SOLO).

EXTERIOR. ‘THE PURPLE SPIDER’. NIGHT.

We go OUTSIDE the c1ub. We again see the SIGN. MUSIC CONTINUES and turns back into

‘Close Your Eyes’.

25. EXTERIOR/INTERIOR. VARIOUS. NIGHT.

A QUICK MONTAGE of SHOTS. ‘Close Your Eyes’ OVER ALL.

– The City lights

– MR PARTRIDGE sleepily driving home.

  • MR PARTRIDGE being welcomed HOME by his FAMILY in an idyllic home setting – soft lights, b/w TV, etc.
  • MR PARTRIDGE devouring his dinner at HOME, waited on by a vigilant MOTHER.

– MR PARTRIDGE dropping into bed, closing his eyes. The side light goes OFF.

SONG

Close your eyes.

When you open them dear I’ll be here,

By your side. Close your eyes. . .

SONG ENDS.

The SCENE BLINKS with static.

26. INTERIOR. MR MEISE’S OFFICE. EVENING.

An American newsreel film on National Housing Developments After World War II is being shown to MR MEISE. Corny official MARCHING MUSIC is heard UNDERNEATH the COMMENTARY. We see SHOTS of identical housing units.

An AID whispers something into MR MEISE’s ear in the DARKENED OFFICE as he watches the film.

COMMENTARY

‘…when the National Housing Agency

determined the need for 17,000,000 new

housing units to be built in the course

of the coming decade, the Federal

government and real estate developers

met the challenge admirably.’

We see SHOTS of BUSINESSMEN making deals, and RETURNING SOLDIERS coming off their boats.

COMMENTARY

(CONTINUED) ‘Middle income housing

policies allowed veterans to borrow the

entire cost of their houses without down

payments. Materials were available in

abundance…’

We see SHOTS of graders and bulldozers ripping up grounds.

COMMENTARY

(CONTINUED) ‘Acres of land were being

bulldozed all over the country, turning

virgin rural areas into grist for the

developer’s mill. Builders managed to

manipulate Housing Act programs to reap

huge illegal profits…’

MR MEISE

Alright, turn it off, I’ve had enough!

LIGHTS GO ON. THE FILM STOPS.

The OFFICE is very ‘Fifties Modern’, giving off very much a feeling of wealth, luxury and ‘a realm of pure forms’, with plush leather seats, large immaculate desk, indoor plants and expensive high-rise CITY VIEWS. There is also a long table with an architect’s MODEL LANDSCAPE AND BUILDING.

PARKER comes in.

MR MEISE

Come on in, me

boy. Let me show you something.

He gets up and greets PARKER, then leads him over to the MODEL BEACH-SIDE ESTATE BUILDING.

MR MEISE

Well, here it is, here’s my scale model.

What do you think?

PARKER

Impressive!

We slowly view the MODEL in its entirety. It is an example of ‘Meisian architecture’: a simple design with acres of glass and pavement. A simple water fountain stands within what looks like a courtyard. We see one sole figure who represents MEISE inside the courtyard. Outside, on the BEACH and in the blue paper mache surf we see little brown figures representing the ‘KIDS’. The legs of one can be seen squashed underneath the main building.

MR MEISE

‘Meise Manor’! Five floors, two-hundred

rooms. The architect’s a genius: a

realm of pure forms tragic in their

yearning for an absolute perfection!

PARKER

(breathless)

What use will it be put to, sir?

MR MEISE

Use?! It’s going to be my own personal

shrine to business and technology! It’s

not meant to be inhabited. Having people

there to clutter it up would only spoil

the aesthetic impact of the building’s

perfect symmetry…It will have only one

occupant: myself…I don’t want them…

beach bums around – are they still there?

PARKER

Yes, still surfing and ‘having fun’.

They don’t know what’s going to hit

them!

As MR MEISE talks he takes the little figures of the beach kids and dumps them into the fountain, one by one.

MR MEISE

As soon as the deal for the land goes

through we can kick them out. We won’t

get any trouble from them. What can they

do?

He presses a button which activates the flusher facility on the fountain. The KIDS are flushed down the fountain. MEISE gives a SINISTER LAUGH.

27. ‘SURREAL’ MONTAGE.

ATMOS MUSIC THROUGHOUT. We follow the BEACH KIDS down the FOUNTAIN WHIRLPOOL EFFECT. The BEACH KIDS become real. We hear their SCREAMS.

The SCENE BLINKS with STATIC.

28. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. DUSK.

BA NEE and BETTY are surfing together or BA NEE is trying to show BETTY how to surf.

Further along the BEACH we see a BILLBOARD giving notice of building developments soon to take place along the BEACH SITE, care of ‘Meise Developments’.

29. INTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S LAB/LOUNGE. DUSK.

COSMO stands in front of the window overlooking the BEACH and the orange sunset. He sees BA NEE and BETTY down below. Presently, he talks into his walkie-talkie.

COSMO

(STATIC) Nuvo, Astra wants a progress

report on the Trism: is it ready to go

in yet?

INSERT SHOT. NUVO, inside the SHIP, on his walkie-talkie.

NUVO

Not yet, but we’re nearly there…How

are the subliminals coming along?

END INSERT SHOT

COSMO

Fine, just fine.

He turns the walkie-talkie off and turns around to look at the TV/video set-up he has installed in the LAB/LOUNGE. A SUBLIMINAL AD for the CC’s Trism industry and ‘G.I.P.’ campaign is being run. We see a bit of the AD: A modern, attractive, easy-going, smiling GIRL steps off the curb of a BUSY STREET straight into a clearly labeled ‘Trism Booth’. SONG: ‘Trism’, by THE B52’s on SOUNDTRACK.

SONG

She has to leave, she has to go.

The fastest way is by Trism.

INSIDE the Trism, she pushes some Destination buttons and punches her card into a slot. There are some SPECIAL EFFECTS and then she steps out, nonchalantly, onto the BUSY STREET of ANOTHER PLANET.

30. INTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S BOMB SHELTER. DUSK.

The PROF is sitting at BESSY, punching the keys, while ASTRA and CAN D look on. BESSY is providing a rapid, detailed overview of Earth society, history, statistics, demographics, etc.

We see some of the DATA as it goes through on the SCREEN: maps, photos, text, mathematical formulae, etc, all at EYE-BLINK RAPID PACE.

PROF

So, you say the data I’m processing from

Bessy here is really being collected

and stored by your own ship-board

computer?

ASTRA

Yeah, it’s quite easy to do.

PROF

Amazing!

31. INTERIOR. CC’s SPACE SHIP. DUSK.

Inside the SHIP, we see NUVO working on assembling the Trism (it looks like a Giant, but very sophisticated Mechano set).

We see the SHIP’S COMPUTER processing DATA from BESSY. The computer is also able to INTERPRET DATA and predict future trends for Earth, based on the DATA it is receiving. So, between the same maps, photos, text, mathematical formulae, etc that BESSY provides, we also see, in SUBLIMINAL EYE-BLINK FLASHES, examples

of such INTERPRETATIONS and PREDICTED TRENDS.

SCREEN TEXT:

Political/Economic bias. . . (BLINK)

Factional interests. . . (BLINK)

Government inability to cope. . .(BLINK)

Rigid social controls. . . (BLINK)

Favourable trade and exploitation scenario. . . (BLINK)

Projected trends based on data…(BLINK)

Continuing massive social and economic divisions. . .(BLINK)

Mass unemployment population: Expendable. . . (BLINK)

50% Production: Expendable. . . (BLINK)

Projected Resource Depletion at present rate: 30 Years…

(BLINK}

Possibility of global annihilation before projected Resource Depletion Rate: 40%. . . (BLINK)

40%. . . (BLINK)

Expendable. . . (BLINK)

Recommended. . . (BLINK)

32. INTERIOR. PROFESSOR’S BOMB SHELTER. DUSK.

A light flashes on four times next to the COMPUTER. It is obviously a signal.

PROF

That’s Maynard. Let him in. Let’s see

what he wants.

CAN D opens the hatch. MAYNARD comes in. He is excited.

MAYNARD

Hey Prof’, you’d better come and have a

look. There’s a billboard down on the

beach that says the beach is now private

property, and someone’s gonna build on

it!

PROF

What? That damn Meise!

ASTRA takes CAN D aside, while MAYNARD and the PROF carry on.

ASTRA

We can use this to our advantage.

CAN D

How?

The SCENE BLINKS with static.

33. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

A NOTICE is put up over the BUILDING NOTICE on the BEACH. The NOTICE is about a ‘Save the Beach Concert’ to be held near the BEACH. It includes WANDA JACKSON, various local big names and the CC’s as ‘special alien attraction’. CURIOUS BEACH PEOPLE look on excitedly. PARKER looks on as well. He doesn’t look happy.

34. INTERIOR. PROFESSOR’S LAB/LOUNGE. AFTERNOON

The PROFESSOR is working on an experiment. MAYNARD assists him.

MAYNARD

Boy, I wish I could sing or play music.

I could play in the concert.

PROF

Don’t get too excited, Maynard. It may not go ahead.

MAYNARD

Why not?

PROF

Meise is complaining.

MAYNARD

Oh well. Still, it would be nice to be creative – like you, Prof’.

PROF

We all have the ability to create, my boy, but not everyone realises it, or cares about developing it. . .But, then again, in

this day and age we rarely do what comes

natural, hey?

He pours a SMALL BOTTLE OF COKE into a half-filled test-tube. It fizzes and overflows.

PROF

Ah, too toxic!

MAYNARD

But do you really think we can create a

hydrogen steady-state economy,

Professor?

PROF

Why not? A closed mind never advanced

the cause of science!

MAYNARD

But economies is such an. . . inexact

science, Professor. It’s dealing with

people. How can you make a formula out

of people? Shouldn’t we think about this

some more?

PROF

When science fails, art takes over!…Don’t worry, my boy, self expression is a wonderful thing. It’s kept me sane all these years. That’s why they’re after me.

He pours some BREAKFAST CEREAL into a jar. We see a drawing of the CC’s on the back of the packet, and the words: ‘One inside every packet! Free!’

35. INTERIOR. MEISE’S OFFICE. AFTERNOON.

MEISE sits in his chair, talking to someone by phone.

MEISE

Damn kids. They won’t get away with

It! . . . I want you to find who’s behind

it. Start with that nutty professor

above the beach. . . I don’t know.

Sabotage, have it shut down,

whatever. . . Right now, stupid!

The CC’s come in unannounced.

MEISE

Who the hell are you? How’d you get, in?

He reaches for a button on his desk.

NUVO

We’re from Claire.

ASTRA

The concert must go on, Mr Meise.

MEISE

(speaks into

his intercom)

Miss Meyer…Damn!

(he looks up)

Miss Meyer. What?

THE CC’s are suddenly wearing their space clothes and hold musical instruments.

CAN D

(to the GUYS)

Hit it.

They play their instruments (the opening Theme tune). The women do their ‘Claire Dance’. MR MEISE looks both nervous and mesmerised. They are very persuasive.

36. INTERIOR. SECRETARY’S OFFICE. AFTERNOON.

PARKER and MISS MEYER are confused. Why can’t they open MEISE’S door? Why can’t MISS MEYER get through on the intercom? And who were those strange people? We hear the Opening Theme, FAINTLY.

PARKER

What’s going on in there?

MISS MEYER

I don’t know, I can’t get in!

PARKER

(LISTENS) What’s that sound?

37. INTERIOR. MEISE ‘S OFFICE. AFTERNOON.

All the CC’s, except ASTRA, are leaving. MEISE is dishevelled, but acquiescent, even happy. A deal has been struck. He stands

looking at his MODEL.

MEISE

Alright, we’ll put the stalls over here.

The kids can dance and have fun

here… And you say we get Wanda? (ASTRA

NODS) And you did say Meise Holdings can

have 50% profits?

ASTRA

Yes.

MEISE

Fine, fine. It’s on then! Goodbye!

She leaves. The SCENE BLINKS with static.

38. INTERIOR. PROF’S LAB/LOUNGE. EVENING.

The PROFESSOR and MAYNARD continue their experiments.

The PROF brings up a program of a Hydrogen structure on a COMPUTER TERMINAL that is tied into Bessy. His atomic structure model is also right in front of him, as a guide.

MAYNARD is transcribing information from the COMPUTER onto a large sheet of paper with a two-dimensional representation of the Hydrogen structure. The PROFESSOR reads it off for him.

PROF

Okay, 25 connections between point A and

point B, 36 between B and C, and 51

between C and D. . .

MAYNARD

(LAUGHS) Sounds like an atomic Mechano

set…Hey Prof’, what happens if we put

in 50 connections instead of 51?

PROF

(LOOKS AGHAST) Then the entire social

order I’m creating will break down!

MAYNARD

Ooh, sounds dangerous.

PROF

Yes, it is. This is an important

Experiment. We have to think beyond the

current trends of thought and ideology.

We have to dream, to envisage new forms

of social order, because the old ones

are collapsing.

MAYNARD

Sounds important.

A BUZZER RINGS, indicating visitors at the door. The PROF goes to the door. Opens it. It is agents STRONGBOW and CUTTLEFISH! Both dressed in grey suits and hats and dark glasses.

STRONGBOW

Professor Partridge?

PROF

Yes?

They both flash badges of some sort.

STRONGBOW

Agent Strongbow and Agent Cuttlefish of

Secret Services…we’d like you to come

with us, sir. (SEES MAYNARD) The beatnik

as well.

PROF

Why? I’ve done nothing!

STRONGBOW

There has been considerable UFO activity

in the vacinity, sir, and we believe it

may be originating from this base. We

also believe you may be conspiring

against the government and

(with distaste)

a Communist sympathiser.

CUTTLEFISH

(casually, reading

from a list)

We also believe you may be threatening

the very fabric of the universe with

your experiments and, uh, harboring

illegal aliens.

39. EXTERIOR. PROFESSOR’S CAR. DUSK.

The CLAIRE CREATURES arriving back at the BEACH.

CAN D

What are we gonna do with the prof, anyway?

COSMO

Yeah, he’s a crazy old coot. He’s

getting in the way.

They all get out of the CAR and walk towards the PROF’S house,

ASTRA

Well, we’ll just have to keep him away

from that bomb shelter. He’s not so

crazy that he won’t work out what we’re

doing in there soon enough. We need the

information in that computer.

NUVO

And the Trism.

ASTRA

Oh yes, and the Trism.

They see the TWO AGENTS struggling with the PROF and MAYNARD amongst the DINOSAURS.

CAN D

Hey look!

ASTRA

Get ‘em!

They run towards them. The AGENTS see them and get their guns out. The CC’s fire their phasers and freeze the AGENTS where they stand, amongst the DINOSAURS.

PROF

My friends, thank you for saving us!

ASTRA

Come on Prof. They’ll thaw out soon.

It’s not safe for you around here now.

We’d better take you to the ship.

ASTRA looks at the OTHERS to signal that their opportunity has come. They help the PROF and MAYNARD along.

PROF

But I can’t leave Bessy and my

experiments!

NUVO

Don’t worry, we’ll look after them.

40. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH, DUSK.

We see that the STAGE is nearly completed for the concert. The tarpaulin above the stage proclaims ‘Meise Management presents Wanda, and the Creatures From Space Save the Beach Concert’. An EARLY CROWD of BEACH REVELLERS are already arriving.

Further up the BEACH BA NEE plays with BETTY and some others. BA NEE sees the CCs take MAYNARD and the PROF into the SHIP. He looks thoughtful and curious and perhaps a little worried,

The SCENE BLINKS with static.

41. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

The CONCERT is in full swing as WANDA JACKSON belts out her SONG ‘The Funnel Of Love’. The horizon out to sea gives off another pale, orange, ‘Claire-like’ g1ow, with scattered, thin, dark clouds, creating an ethereal back-drop to WANDA’s own ethereal number. There are also numerous COKE ads and posters of the CC’s around the stage. WANDA wears a body-hugging dress, cowboy boots and a high black wig.

There is a FULL BAND playing behind her, with BACKING SINGERS, MALE and FEMALE. All wear formal suits or party dresses. WANDA herself plays finger bells, which come into the song from time to time.

WANDA

(sings)

‘Here I go falling down, down down.

‘My mind is a blank, my head is spinning

‘Around and around as I go

‘Deep into the Funnel of Love.’

We see the LARGE CROWD of Fifties-type ‘youngsters’ enjoying the show. Most are in their late teens or early twenties. Most are dressed casually in shorts, slacks, cardigans, sunglasses, etc. OTHERS, who still wear their bathing suits, are seen dancing. BA NEE and BETTY are among this group.

There are a number of ‘Save The Beach’-type placards on display within the CROWD, and a large billboard to the side that features CAN D as a space age receptionist holding a phone, with the legend: ‘For galactic information, call me, (and phone number)’

We see CUTTLEFISH and STRONGBOW, the agents, hovering about on the fringes of the CROWD. CUTTLEFISH talks into a walkie-talkie as he eyes the CROWD.

CUTTLEFISH

This is Cuttlefish. No sign of him. Over.

VOICE

(from other end

of walkie talkie)

Continue Survellience. Over and out.

EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

Further down the BEACH, behind the stage, MEISE excitedly marks out the site of his intended shrine. PARKER follows closely behind him dutifully putting in marking pegs as MEISE instructs him.

MUSIC CONTINUED in BACKGROUND.

MEISE

Here…And here. . .Hurry up, man! (LOOKS

TOWARDS THE STAGE)

(sings along

with WANDA)

‘It’s bound to get you someday.’ (DOES A

PARODY OF A DANCE. LAUGHS)

42. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

WANDA FINISHES her SONG. The CROWD YELLS and APPLAUDS. The stage curtains come down and the MC comes out as WANDA and her BAND leave the stage. He is a younger, more energetic Brian Henderson (or Johnny Young or Ian Meldrum).

MC

Yeah, how about that! Wanda Jackson,

ladies and gentlemen! . . . I’m glad you all could make it to this ‘Save The Beach’

concert. I know we’re gonna do a lot of

good by our presence here today…Now I

wanna introduce you to four very unique

individuals; they have a very special

messaqe for you, so give them your

undivided attention. The Claire

Creatures From outer Space!

ECSTATIC APPLAUSE as the MC leaves and the curtain rises to reveal the CC’s, who begin their NUMBER immediately: ’53 Miles West of Venus’ (by THE B52’s). They are all in their sharpest alien outfits. CAN D and ASTRA dance while NUVO and COSMO play their instruments (drums and guitar). Then ASTRA begins on keyboard and both girls do their harmonies, then their lead vocals.

ASTRA/CAN D

(singing)

’53 miles west of Venus,

’53 miles west of Venus,

’53 miles west of Venus,

’53 mi les west of . . . Venus!’

The CROWD are spellbound. They dance to the

SONG, they ‘dig it’.

CROWD

’53 miles west of Venus,

’53 miles west of Venus…’

A GUY goes up to the billboard of CAN D

And kisses the lips.

CUTTLEFISH and STRONGBOW are seen tentatively dancing and SINGING and generally getting into the music.

BA NEE and BETTY look around at the CROWD with some concern. BA NEE WHISPERS something into BETTY’s ear. She nods.

Perhaps the CC’s do MORE NUMBERS first or we cut immediately to…BA NEE and BETTY leaving the concert to help the PROFESSOR and MAYNARD.

43. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

BA NEE and BETTY run up to the CLAIRE’s SPACESHIP/ABODE. BA NEE operates the opening mechanism.

MUSIC CONTINUES in BACKGROUND.

BA NEE

It’s locked!

BETTY

Oh, what’ll we do now?

BA NEE

I’ll have to break the lock. Stand back.

BA NEE breaks the lock. He stands back

with his phaser. It opens. They get in.

INTERIOR. THE CLAIR SHIP. AFTERNOON.

MUSIC is barely heard in BACKGROUND.

BA NEE

Professor?

BETTY

Maynard?

They find MAYNARD and the PROF inside the BOOTH, which has been turned into a very realistic approximation of the PROFESSOR’s LAB/LOUNGE, but with a surrounding force-field that keeps them in.

MAYNARD

Hi! How’s the concert going?

BA NEE turns off the force-field.

BA NEE

No time for that…Is the Prof alright?

PROF

(GETTING UP) Yes I’m alright. Our

‘friends’ seem to have kidnapped us.

Now, why did they do that?

We hear a LOUD NOISE, like a bomb, going off OUTSIDE, OFFSCREEN.

BETTY

What was that?

44. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

From the BEACH we can see the beginnings of the plume of an ATOM BOMB EXPLOSION rising above Perth nearby. The FLASH hits the BEACH.

The MUSIC STOPS suddenly at the CONCERT. There is a HUSHED PAUSE. On stage, the CC’s look at each other in resignation.

ASTRA

(disgusted)

We keep losing more and more customers

this way.

They start putting down their instruments. A GIRL in the CROWD SCREAMS. The CROWD becomes fearful. They start scattering everywhere.

CUTTLEFISH and STRONGBOW remain calm while the chaos goes on around them, and a RADIOACTIVE WIND BEGINS TO BLOW – apparently they knew this would happen. They fight against the WIND.

CUTTLEFISH

(LOOKS AT HIS WATCH) They’re too soon.

STRONGBOW

(LOOKS AT HIS WATCH, THEN CUTTLEFISH’s)

No, they’re right on time. Your watch is

fast,

CUTTLEFISH

Oh! What kind do you have?

STRONGBOW

A ‘Citizen’. Keeps good time.

CUTTLEFISH

Damn, I knew I should have got one of

those!

At about this point and CONTINUING TO THE END OF THIS SECTION we begin to see the edges of a TV SCREEN, FRAMING the action. We see more and more of the SCREEN until the entire television can be seen. The ONSCREEN action can still be seen, but it seems to have receded from us somewhat, we are more distanced from it, because of the FRAME. The spaces around the television begin to show strange colourful, computerised graphics (ala MAX HEADROOM) that move and pulsate. SPARKS begin to come from out the back of the television, Then, towards the end, the television and the FRAME begin to slowly disappear again, restoring the FULL SCREEN IMAGE.

EERIE, SUSPENCEFUL MUSIC accompanies this section.

45. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

The WIND CONTINUES. BA NEE, BETTY, THE PROF and MAYNARD appear outside the CC’s ship.

BETTY

What is it?

PROF

I’m afraid they’ve gone and done it:

they’ve pressed The Button. Fools!

BETTY

You mean – ?

PROF

Yes. Come now, to my bomb shelter!

BETTY

(distraught)

But what about my family, and all my

friends?

BA NEE

(HOLDS HER HANDS) We can’t help them.

They’ re on their own now. I ‘m sorry,

Betty.

BETTY holds onto BA NEE as they head for the SHELTER.

46. INTERIOR. BETTY’S HOUSE. AFTERNOON.

The WIND is blowing FIERCELY OUTSIDE. BETTY’S MOTHER is closing all the doors and windows of her house. BETTY’S FATHER joins his WIFE in the KITCHEN.

BETTY’S FATHER

(annoyed)

What’s going on: the damn TV’s not

working!

BETTY’S MOTHER

(calmly)

I think it’s the Atom Bomb, darling.

BETTY’S FATHER

Oh, that explains it!

There is a KNOCKING at the door. BETTY’S MOTHER answers it. It is BETTY’S LITTLE BROTHER. He is all black and grimy and possibly suffering shock. He sways at the door.

BETTY’S BROTHER

(weakly, guiltily)

Hi mum…

BETTY’S MOTHER

Oh, Sam, you forgot to duck and cover,

didn’t you!

47. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

The WIND is still BLOWING FIERCELY. BA NEE, BETTY, MAYNARD and the PROF arrive at the PROFESSOR’s BOMB SHELTER. All but the PROF go inside.

PROF

Quickly! Wait for me inside.

The PROF goes around the back of the SHELTER and starts the GENERATOR which powers the SHELTER. He then enters the SHELTER.

48. INTERIOR. THE BOMB SHELTER. AFTERNOON.

It is DARK. We HEAR them stumbling around.

MAYNARD

Where’s the Prof?

BETTY

I don’t know.

PROF

Here I am!

The PROF TURNS ON the LIGHT. They all look around at their surroundings. They are quiet. The WIND BLOWS MUTELY OUTSIDE.

BETTY

It’s terrible.

BA NEE

What went wrong?

BA NEE holds her. The PROF turns his attention to BESSY to get information about the ‘Disaster’.

PROF

Well, I’ll see what Bessy can tell us.

MAYNARD notices something strange about the SHELTER, as though additions have been added (which they have).

MAYNARD

Hey, Prof, do you notice something

strange about this place now?

PROF

What?

49. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.

The WIND continues to BLOW FIERCELY. The concert stage is in tatters, and billboards and chairs are knocked over or roll along the sand.

Further down the BEACH, MEISE’s marking pegs are all but covered in the sand that the WIND has blown over them.

The SCENE BLINKS with static.

50. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. DAY.

We see a few more SHOTS of the debris on the BEACH. The WIND is still blowing, but less fiercely now.

We see the BOMB SHELTER.

51. INTERIOR. THE BOMB SHELTER. DAY.

INSIDE the BOMB SHELTER (which had been turned into a TRISM by the CLAIRE CREATURES), the TRISM has been activated, causing lights to pulsate and a HIGH-PITCH NOISE. The PROFESSOR, MAYNARD and BETTY are scared and confused, thinking a bomb or something has dropped on them. Only BA NEE knows what’s going on but he doesn’t want to tell them. They all huddle together.

BETTY

(scared)

What’s happening?

PROF

A bomb must have dropped near us.

MAYNARD

It won’t be long now…

All of a sudden, the commotion, the lights, STOP. The HIGH-PITCHED NOISE DESCENDS to a low frequency, then SILENCE.

BETTY

…What is it?

MAYNARD

Should I go outside and have a look?

PROF

Alright, Maynard. But be careful.

MAYNARD

Okay. (HE GOES)

Everyone looks scared and expectant, except BA NEE, who only looks resigned.

BA NEE

It’ll be alright.

BETTY

(comforted)

Yeah?

They wait. Then. . .

MAYNARD

(excited)

(FROM OUTSIDE) Hey!…Hey!

PROF

(yells)

What is it, Maynard?

MAYNARD

(FROM OUTSIDE) Come on up. It’s great!

They all look uncertainly at each other, then they head for the hatch.

52. EXTERIOR. THE CC’S PLANET. DAY.

They start coming out of the hatch. MAYNARD stands a little further away, looing at something in the distance. They are all stare at it in wonder.

We see that they are standing on a grassy hill overlooking the futuristic CLAIRE landscape and spacey CLAIRE CITY that we saw earlier in ASTRA’S HOLOGRAMMIC BOOTH.

BETTY

Wow!

The PROFESSOR starts laughing uncontrollably. BA NEE gives a wry smile and starts shaking his head slowly. BETTY smiles.

MAYNARD

It’s not so bad after all!

The SCREEN BLINKS with static.

53. EXTERIOR. A ROAD. NIGHT.

MR PARTRIDGE (from No Place Like Home) drives along a quiet country road, in a valley surrounded by large hills. The CAR shoots off into the distance, its taillights getting smaller and smaller.

Presently, the CLAIRE CREATURE’S SPACE SHIP comes into view from ABOVE, following MR PARTRIDGE’s CAR down the road.

END MUSIC BEGINS: The Opening Theme.

END CREDITS COME UP, featuring SMALL INSERT SHOTS of ASTRA and CAN D, in silhouette, doing their ‘Claire Dance’.

THE END CREDITS COME UP.

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