This was originally a series of fantasy sequences that appeared in my script No Place Like Home. The rest of it was a gritty story of radical protest and homelessness. The complete fantasy scenes are presented here without all the angsty reality stuff. The Claire Creatures are obviously based on The B-52’s, one of my favourite rock/pop bands. I love what we might call fifties escapism. And I love those classic scifi movies of the fifties: Forbidden Planet, the Day the Earth Stood Still, War of the Worlds, all that. I wanted to combine that with one of my favourite escapist genres of the sixties – namely, beach party movies. The B’s fit right in there.
THE GALACTIC EXCHANGE PLAN
(previously ‘The Claire Creatures’)
Excerpted from NO PLACE LIKE HOME
By
Russell Forden
1. Exterior. A starscape.
A small flying saucer (circa 1950’s sci-fi ‘B’ movies) coming into view against a cheap-looking background of stars.
FADE UP SOUND: An eerie, unearthly, cool sci-fi instrumental, a la Peter Gunn, or possibly Planet Claire, by the B 52’s.
The flying saucer comes into foreground, or at least close enough for us to see the ‘make’ of the flying saucer, written in Claire language, on the side of the hull. It now reads ‘Plymouth Satellite’.
2. Interior flying saucer.
CONTINUE MUSIC.
Inside the saucer, which includes the usual luminous panels, weird gadgetry, large starlit viewscreen and dim interior lighting, etc, we see its occupants – FIVE HUMANOID CREATURES from the planet Claire! (called collectively ‘the Claire creatures’). Two are women, two are men, and the last occupant is a male android.
The overall appearance is sort of Lost In Space androids meet the B 52’s: silver, black, or dark purple catsuits of various space age designs; neat, multi-coloured hair, with the occasional pair of sunglasses – for the men, whose names are NUVO and COSMO. A strange spikey helmet and silver skin as well for the male android, who is called BA NEE. Tight, fluorescent slacks, elaborate arm bracelets and earrings, and hair that is meringued out in strange ways to suggest only a couple of bouffant wigs gone wild – one red, one black – for the women, whose names are ASTRA and CAN D.
ASTRA and NUVO stare sternly at the viewscreen, giving orders in Claire language, which is SUBTITLED.
Background music muted underneath. The mood is serious.
NUVO
Estimated arrival at destination?
CAN D, sitting by an instrument panel, twiddling dials, etc.
CAN D
Estimated arrival in 3-2 hours.
NUVO
Course maintained?
CAN D
Course straight and true.
ASTRA
Excellent.
ASTRA looks at NUVO and smiles. We didn’t know she could smile.
ASTRA
Let’s party!
Background music brought up. Cue ‘eerie synthesizers’.
COSMO flicks a switch that puts the ship into automatic and sets off a psychedelic light show inside the saucer.
ASTRA and CAN D, yelling in delight, leave their posts and begin to dance. They do their ‘Claire dance’ – a combination of go-go, frug, watusi, etc. It is a tribal, pursuasive dance that holds its audience spellbound and is almost always done to the beat of the background tune (ie, Planet Claire). They do this dance a number of times throughout the story.
Even BA NEE, the android, who appears somewhat stiff, shakes his head to the beat. The three male crew members play weird musical instruments that suddenly appear in place of the instrument panels.
3. Exterior. The starscape.
CONTINUE MUSIC.
The flying saucer headed towards a planet seen in the distance – Earth.
4. Exterior. A Beach in AustralIa.
We see a large domed hut amidst some palm trees. It is in fact the Claire Creatures’ space ship in disguise. Small children play near it, and some people walk past, looking with Interest. All wear early sixties beach costumes and look very fifties/sixties-ish.
We see a well-tanned well-muscled BEACH SPECIMEN flexing out and exercising on the beach nearby. It’s actually BA NEE, the Claire’s android, who now is disguised as a human. A couple of girls in bikinis slowly come up to him.
FIRST GIRL
Hey mister, do you surf?
BA NEE stops, looks puzzled. He speaks with an American accent.
BA NEE
Uh, I don’t know. What’s that?
SECOND GIRL
(excited)
He’s American! Of course he surfs!
FIRST GIRL
You know. It’s what they’re doing out there.
We see surfers on their boards in the water.
BA NEE
(uncertainly)
Uh, I guess so…
(suddenly confident)
Sure!
FIRST GIRL
Do you have a board?
BA NEE
No.
FIRST GIRL
Wait here.
The girls run over to where a bunch of guys with surf boards and their girls are watching the surfing. They speak to one particular YOUNG SURFER. One of the girls whispers in his ear and points to BA NEE. He gets excited.
YOUNG SURFER
(faintly)
Really? An American?
BA NEE, watching all of this, looks sheepish and shyly waves to him. The surfer and the girls run over to him. The surfer gives him the board.
YOUNG SURFER
Here y’are, buddy. Go to it!
BA NEE, who obviously hasn’t surfed in his lIfe, looks embarrassed and takes the board gingerly. He makes a move to give it back, but decides to turn and face the surf. He knows what is expected of him.
SPECTATORS
Okay!
BA NEE goes into the surf, to the cheers of the crowd, who have come down to the surf to watch. After a shaky start he surfs exceedingly well – much to his surprise – and enjoys it.
The crowd on the beach are awe-struck.
SPECTATOR 1
Wow!
SPECTATOR 2
Only a Yank could do that!
5. INTERIOR. THE ABODE/SPACESHIP. DAY.
ASTRA stands in a large glass BOOTH, still in her ‘alien’ garb. She wears a green hoop skirt with very sharp edges jutting out at the shoulders. NUVO, looking slightly out of place in Earth civilian wear, which includes black shorts and a black t-shirt and sunglasses, (which he never takes off), sits outside of the BOOTH at an instrument panel. ASTRA’s speech is in English, with a definite AMERICAN ACCENT. In fact, all the
CLAIRES speak with AMERICAN ACCENTS!
ASTRA
(bored)
Okay, Nuvo, turn the thing on.
NUVO twiddles the dials. Inside the BOOTH a CLAIRE LANDSCAPE has sprung up around ASTRA (The BOOTH is a sort of automatic clothes fitter and hologrammic environment producer and mirror).
We see a very futuristic landscape: faintly red, with a very orange horizon, strange blue/green and red trees amidst tall, elegant, spindly buildings with ringlets and spirals, smooth,spacious pavements and sleek monorail transport. (Should look very 50s sci-fi, a la ‘Forbidden Planet’, etc).
ASTRA
Try number 52.
NUVO twiddles dials and a NEW SCENE appears – a beach of white, crushed shells, high dunes of a vivid lemon sherbet yellow, small pink clouds in a glorious gold ocean sunset.
ASTRA looks fetching in black leotards and stockings, high heels and a brown, see-through wrap, with a more subdued, rust-coloured meringue hair-do. The sunset plays on her body all the while.
ASTRA
Okay, give me a rotate on this one.
The HOLOGRAMMIC CAMERA within the BOOTH slowly CIRCLES around her, transmitting the image back to the mirror as it goes so that, as ASTRA looks in the mirror in front of her, she gets a 360 degree view of herself and her simulated environment.
ASTRA
Not bad. But it won’t do for this
planet. At least, not here. Try 26.
ANOTHER SCENE appears. It is a more conventional Earth-type beach scene. This time ASTRA wears shorts and a top with an American flag theme. The subdued rust-coloured meringue hair-do is still there, but she now has some make-up on and two little spherical earrings that dangle near her shoulder. The overall effect is slightly outrageous but acceptable.
ASTRA
Perfect!
COSMO is heard talking OFF SCREEN
COSMO
(OS through an intercom)
C’mon Astra, aren’t you dressed yet. Surf’s up!
ASTRA
What’ s that mean?
COSMO
(OS, uncertain)
Surf? How should I know? That’s just
something they do here. C’mon!
ASTRA
Alright, Cosmo, we’re comin’.
ASTRA gets out of the BOOTH and goes outside with NUVO. The door lock is air-sealed and very sophisticated.
6. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH, DAY.
SHOTS of SURF and SURFIES.
ASTRA and NUVO meet COSMO and CAN D outside in front of the ABODE. COSMO has a walkie-talkie and is wearing sandals and Hawaiian shorts – which show off his knobby knees and a t-shirt with a picture of ANNETTE FUNICELLO on it. He is tall and skinny and looks vaguely daggy in the clothes. CAN D wears a short, yellow go-go type dress with ruffles at the bottom. Her black hair has been let down in a long ponytail which comes around at the front. She is very thin, and also wears sunglasses.
They walk along the beach past BEACH PEOPLE.
NUVO
Some place they’ve got here!
COSMO
Yeah.
CAN D
Where’s Ba Nee, he should have reported
in by now?
COSMO
Here he comes now.
NUVO
Wow!
We see BA NEE, the ANDROID. He is a bit wet from his surfing. A group of ADMIRERS are with him. They follow BA NEE as he joins the CLAIRE CREATURES.
NUVO
(impressed)
Well done!
BA NEE smiles,
ASTRA
Good reconnaissance.
BA NEE straightens up, looks serious.
The SCENE BLINKS OFF WITH STATIC, like a computer or television being turned off. (This EFFECT will occur whenever we CUT TO or CUT FROM a SCENE involving the CLAIRE CREATURES).
7. EXTERIOR. The BEACH. SUNSET.
It is almost SUNSET and the sun looks orange and beautiful on the horizon of the ocean. Some GIRLS and GUYS play volleyball on the BEACH. BA NEE is helping a LITTLE GIRL balance on a surfboard.
The CLAIRE CREATURES stand admiring the SUNSET’s orange glow.
NUVO
Looks all right doesn’t it?
CAN D
It’s not bad.
COSMO
(with some
feeling)
It reminds me of home.
ASTRA
Yes, it’s very nice, but we have work to do. We have to find that inventor. Where’s Ba Nee?
Further down the BEACH, a GIRL in a bikini (BETTY) goes up to BA NEE, who is still helping the LITTLE GIRL.
BETTY
C’mon Sally, we have to go now.
SALLY
Oh, do we really have to!
BA NEE
Hello.
BETTY is about to say ‘Yes’, when she sees BA NEE as if for the first time. Could this be love at first sight – for both of them? BA NEE, in particular, looks perplexed. He has never experienced this sensation before. It was never programmed into his circuits.
BETTY
Uh. . .Hello. . . I-I guess you could stay
for a 1ittle while.
SALLY
Yay!
BA NEE
She’s coming along fine. I’m Ba Nee.
BETTY
Oh. I’m Betty.
We see SALLY looking inquisitively at both of them. Finally, a look of bemused knowledge and understanding crosses her face.
Further along the BEACH, COSMO and CAN D watch the volleyball game.
The ball lands near them and COSMO picks it up. A GIRL comes over to collect it. She sees his t-shirt.
GIRL
Do you like Annette?
He is a bit confused. And then he sees the volleyball net, and pretends to know what she is talking about.
COSMO
Uh, yeah, it’s great.
Nearby, NUVO sees a GUY with a guitar slung under his arm like a surf board.
NUVO
Funny looking surfboard.
GUITAR GUY
(LAUGHS) Yeah. Do ya play?
NUVO
(cooly)
Yeah, we play a lot.
Another section of the BEACH, nearby. ASTRA speaks to a CLEAN CUT BOY.
ASTRA
Is there an old guy who lives around
here? Sort of eccentric? An inventor,
involved with radio waves or something?
BOY
Yeah, that sounds like the Professor. He
lives up there,
He points. We see a BEACH HOME high up, overlooking the BEACH.
ASTRA
The Professor?
BOY
Yeah. He teaches Science at the high
school and conducts experiments down
here in his spare time. Lately he’s been
trying to communicate with higher life
forms. He’s a bit weird, but he’ s
okay…How come scientists and inventors
are so weird?
ASTRA
Because, they’re always weird.
We see the HOUSE again. Then we see SOMEONE nearby looking upon the scene with BINOCULARS.
8. EXTERIOR. The BEACH – A HILL. DUSK.
THROUGH BINOCULARS we see that BA NEE
and BETTY are going off towards a secluded section of the BEACH. COSMO and CAN D have joined the VOLLEY-BALL PLAYERS, and a bonfire is being started on the BEACH. It is getting DARK.
VOICE
(os)
Oooh, it’s a lovely piece of beach-front, Mr Meise.
We see MR MEISE and his henchman, PARKER, who holds the BINOCULARS. MR MEISE is a tall, silver-haired man with a moustache and wearing a business suit. PARKER, crouching beside him, is a short, balding, bespectacled man, wearing an over-sized black coat over his business suit.
MR MEISE
What the devil are them young people
doing down there, Parker?
PARKER
Uh, I think they’re having fun sir.
We study MR MEISE intently.
MR MEISE
Fun!
He is incredulous.
The SCENE BLINKS with static.
9. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. NIGHT.
On the BEACH, GUYS and GIRLS are toasting bread and marshmallows on the bonfire, OTHERS are dancing to the accompaniment of the GUITAR GUY and ANOTHER GUY who plays bongo’s. Huge quantities of ‘Coke’ are being consumed – in the original old bottles. There is the sound of MUSIC, LAUGHTER and FUN.
CAN D and ASTRA sit amidst a group of SURFIE GUYS and GIRL$ near the bonfire, while C0SMO and NUVO dance outrageously nearby.
GIRL
I like your clothes. You American girls
sure dress differently.
ASTRA
Thanks.
GIRL
Where did you get that outfit, it’s
fantastic?
ASTRA
Uh, it’s just something I whipped up…
SURFIE GUY
(OFFERING A DRINK) Want a Coke?
CAN D
Sure. What’s a ‘Coke’?
A GAWKY GIRL sitting next to her gives a huge ‘horsey’ laugh.
A GIRL dancing with NUVO refers to his sunglasses.
GIRL
Don’t you find it hard to see with those
things on?
NUVO
(DANCING) Yes.
GIRL
Oh…
The MUSICIANS STOP PLAYING. We see the GUITAR GUY go over to NUVO, offering him his guitar. Apparently, he wants him to play.
As NUVO. and COSMO go over to the instruments a chorus of Coke bottles are raised, one at a time, to a number of lips. The last one belongs to CAN D, and she spits it out violently.
CAN D
Ugh, what is in this stuff?!
ASTRA
(quietly)
Just pretend you like it, okay? Fake the
conditioning.
COSMO and NUVO start playing. First COSMO plays a cool beat on the bongo’s, then NUVO lays down a ‘surfie-instrumental’ type version of the OPENING INSTRUMENTAL TUNE on guitar.
Some GUYS and GIRLS click their fingers or nod their heads to the beat. They all ‘dig it’. Some COUPLES get up and dance.
A MUSICAL DANCE SEQUENCE begins. The FULL BACKING MUSIC works its way (from out of nowhere) into the sequence at a DRAMATIC POINT, where CAN D and ASTRA suddenly appear, doing their ‘Claire Dance’. They hold the CROWD spellbound.
SURFIE GUY
Boy, watching then makes me real
Thirsty!
He grabs a Coke and slams it down. Looking at him nearby, a DOG barks, and salivates.
10. EXTERIOR. FURTHER DOWN THE BEACH. NIGHT.
A beautiful, calm, moon-1it ocean. The MUSIC is heard in the DISTANCE. BA NEE and BETTY frolic along the BEACH.
BETTY puts her towel down and flops onto it. BA NEE, running up behind her, does the same. They are both excited and out of breath.
BETTY
It’s so warm!
BA NEE seems overwhelmed by his idyllic surroundings.
BA NEE
I think I could stay here forever.
BETTY
Yes. If only…Hey, it’s our summer and
your winter now, isn’t it? Is that why
you came here?
BA NEE
Not really. (HE SEARCHES THE SKY) Do you
see that star up there? (POINTS)
BETTY
Where?
BA NEE
There, at the end of the three stars.
They move closer to each other.
BETTY
Oh, at the bottom of the ‘Teapot’ – or is that Orion? Yes… What about it?
BA NEE
(serious)
That’s where I come from.
BETTY
(LAUGHS) That’s wild! What’s your planet
called?
BA HEE
‘Claire’.
BETTY
‘Planet Claire’?
BETTY warms to his ‘wacky’ humour and becomes more affectionate, touching him. BA NEE is disarmed by her, but likes it.
BETTY
I like it. So, why did you come to
Earth, Space-doggy?
BA NEE
I’m not allowed to tell you. Not yet,
anyway.
BETTY
Hmm, top secret, hey?
BA NEE
Yes.
BETTY
Go on, tell me. I’ll torture you if you
don’t! I know: your mission is to bring
back Earth women so you can mate with
us! You beast!
She playfully forces herself onto him. He is bewildered and makes a weak resistance. They kiss. BA NEE’s circuitry is in a whirl.
BETTY
(shyly)
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?
BA NEE
Uh, no.
BETTY
Oh we do it all the time. Do you wanna
try?
BA NEE
Ah. . . All right.
BETTY
Great! (LAUGHS) Close your eyes.
BA NEE closes his eyes, wondering what’s in store for him, as BETTY takes off her clothes (OFF SCREEN) and runs down to the surf.
BETTY
You can open your eyes now…Come on in!
BETTY dives in, then only her head appears. BA NEE is almost at the water. He still has his bathers on.
BETTY
C’mon, no cheating…
BA NEE is confused, but on catching a glimpse of her nakedness in the water he gets the idea.
BETTY
(CONTINUED) Take them off…
He takes them off and throws then down. They land in the water. We see them glistening in the moonlit waters, floating away.
BA NEE and BETTY romp in the moonlit sea.
The SCENE BLINKS with static.
11. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. DAY.
Sun, BEACH, YOUNG REVELLERS eating watermelon, surfing, scuba diving, dancing to RADIO MUSIC. BAR NEE is seen having fun with BETTY. The CLAIRE CREATURES sit nearby, observing.
COSMO
Well, it looks like we won’t be doing much
today…
NUVO
Ba Nee’s having a good time.
CAN D
Do you think we should let him do that?
What if he falls in love? It might
twist up his circuitry or something.
ASTRA
He can’t fall in love, Can D, he’s a
robot! Anyway, we have got something to
do.
COSMO
What?
CAN D
Up there. That’s the Man’s house.
NUVO
Let’s go.
They go up to the HOUSE overlooking the BEACH.
12. EXTERIOR. BEACH. DAY.
PARKER, MR MEISE’S henchman, observes
through binoculars from a HILL. At first he concentrates on the CLAIRE CREATURE’S progress, then he trains his binoculars on the BEACH REVELLERS. He ogles the BIKINI-CLAD GIRLS.
13. EXTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S HOUSE. DAY.
THE CLAIRE CREATURES appear in the
PROFESSOR’S YARD. There is a telescope, a large radar dish and, incongruously, large paper mache DINOSAURS everywhere. There is a large glass sliding door that seems to lead into the HOUSE. The CLAIRES walk in.
14. INTERIOR. THE LAB/LOUNGE. DAY.
We see three-dimensional models of atomic structures, a black-board, bunsen-burners, test-tubes, a skeleton, a half section model of a human brain and other exotic scientific equipment.
The second half of the ‘Lab’ is actually a LOUNGE ROOM, done out in Fifties design, with an art deco couch, ergonomic chairs, coffee table, optic fibre lamps and an aquarium and, looking conspicuous, a single bed against a wall. There is a VIEW that looks out onto the BEACH and the OCEAN.
The PROFESSOR, a white-haired, bearded, sturdy-looking man, and wearing a white coat, is hunched over a table working on an experiment.
PROFESSOR
(NOT LOOKING UP) Come in, come in.
Finishing his work, he turns toward them, a large smile on face. He is very excited.
PROFESSOR
I’ve been waiting so long for you to
come. Welcome to Earth!
He shakes their hands. They crowd around him, smiling.
Dissolve to…
15. INTERIOR. THE LAB/LOUNGE. DAY.
Some time passes. The PROFESSOR hands
out drinks to the CLAIRE CREATURES, who sit in chairs and on the couch. The PR0FESS0R hands CAN D a drink.
PROFESSOR
There you are.
ASTRA
How did you know we were already here,
uh, professor?
PROFESSOR
(SITTING DOWN) Saw you land. I’ve been
watching the skies ever since I picked
up your signal. It was ingenious the way
you turned your spaceship into that
beach hut.
ASTRA
Well, we wouldn’t be here
if we hadn’t caught your signal in the
first place.
NUVO
Yeah, what do you have in mind, prof?
PROFESSOR
(surprised)
Why, the thrill of meeting a higher
intelligence, to have the benefit of
some of your vast knowledge of the
universe, I hope…
The CC’s all look blankly at each other.
COSMO
Sounds reasonable.
ASTRA
But what do you have to offer us in
return, Professor?
PROFESSOR
Not much, I’m afraid! (NERVOUS LAUGH)
He gets up and goes to the window.
PROFESSOR
(CONTINUED) The human race is a waste of
time. I want nothing to do with it. . .
Take the kids of today, for example. I
still don’t understand then. Oh, they’re
okay, there’s some good kids down there
– a few of them can actually think! –
but mostly they just want to have fun.
There’s no real social purpose, no
willingness to. . .work.
COSMO
Sounds reasonable.
The PROFESSOR doesn’t hear. He sees PARKER OUTSIDE spying on the BEACH. We see him, briefly.
PROFESSOR
There’s Meise’s man . He’s got his eye on
this beachfront and he’ll get it if we
don’t stop him. Turn it into some
gleaming ugly glass monstrosity.
COSMO is again about to say ‘sounds reasonable’ when ASTRA stops him. She wants to win the PROFESSOR’S confidence by agreeing with him.
The PROFESSOR goes over to the half section of brain.
PROFESSOR
See this thing?
He points to the base of the brain.
PROFESSOR
(CONTINUED) It’s the brain of our
ancestors, hiding under the brain we
have today. It’s called ‘the Reptile
Complex’. (POINTS TO HIS SKULL)
Underneath our Earth brains there’s
something like the brain of a crocodile,
something like one of those things out
there. (INDICATES DINOSAURS OUTSIDE ) But
it’s those kids down there, they’re the
ones who really scare me. They’re the
next generation.
ASTRA
I see your point, Professor. I’m glad
you’ve warned us about this. . . But I
still think we can, uh. . .do business.
Let me tell you why we came: we want to
promote Claire Culture on Earth to
give you the benefit of our vast
knowledge of the universe.
NUVO
We can make you a better race of people.
ASTRA
Yes, and in return all we ask is to
learn as much about your planet as we
can, so we can share your wonderful new
cultures, with all the others that are out
there!
COSMO
(solemnly)
Think of us as alien ambassadors of
peace and trade.
CAN D
Or intergalactic entrepreneurs!
PROFESSOR
Wonderful! I can give you all you need
to know about Earth – I’ve got
‘Bessy’…But how will you present
yourselves to the people of Earth
without causing a panic? It’s quite
likely, you know – they’re very
suspicious, very paranoid.
ASTRA
Ahh, that’s where you come in. We need
someone to help push the message, get
people used to the idea of our Galactic
Information Exchange Plan.
NUVO
(deadpan)
We need an advertising campaign.
16. EXTERIOR. PROFESSOR’S BACKYARD. DAY.
THE PROFESSOR is taking the CC’s to his BOMB SHELTER amidst the DINOSAURS.
PROFESSOR
…I have a friend who’s an ad man. I’ll
see what he can do.
COSMO
We want to start with the kids on the
beach. You know – rock n’ roll dances,
‘Coke’. It fits right in with the
Exchange Plan.
PROFESSOR
Here we are, here’s where I keep
‘Bessy’.
We see the entrance to a BOMB SHELTER.
PROFESSOR
(CONTINUED) It’s a bomb shelter. Watch
your step.
He presses a number of buttons on the SHELTER’s wall. The hatch opens, they go down the stairs.
17. INTERIOR. THE BOMB SHELTER. DAY.
We see a fairly clean though small interior. Shelves full of cans, generator, refrigerator, record player, Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and Everly Brothers posters, a couch, chairs and a large, old IBM-type COMPUTER. Its lights and dials flash and it whirrs and clicks.
The CLAIRE CREATURES are excited and enthusiastic. They walk around the COMPUTER and around the BOMB SHELTER.
PROFESSOR
How do you like ‘Bessy’, isn’t she a
beaut? I built her myself. She’s got
more information in her about Earth and
Earth people than any other computer
that exists today. Our history,
economics, politics, social customs
you name it, Bessy’s got it.
COSMO
(aside)
Talk about primitive!
ASTRA
(aside)
This will be the perfect place to build
the Trism.
PROFESSOR
(proudly)
Well, waddya wanna know?
18. EXTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S HOUSE. DAY.
Outside we see two SUSPICIOUS-LOOKING CHARACTERS in a CAR parked by a road nearby observing the PROFESSOR’S H0USE. They are SECRET AGENTS STRONGBOW and CUTTLEFISH. STRONGBOW says something into
his CAR PHONE.
The SCENE BLINKS with static.
19. INTERIOR. THE CLAIRE’S SHIP. NIGHT.
We see a builder’s blue-print of the Trism, with all dimensions and specifications showing.
NUVO holds the blueprint. ASTRA and NUVO go over their blueprint for the Trism. Their plans are well under way, with two of them stationed in the SHIP, two up at the PROFESSOR’S place, and BA NEE nearby at BETTY’S PARENT’S HOUSE.
NUVO
Damn, they’ve given us one of the older
models!
ASTRA
Don’t complain, it’ll do the trick.
She calls the PROFESSOR’s place on her VIEWSCREEN. We hear a NOISE as the SCREEN is switched on.
ASTRA
Is the Prof’ ready?
COSMO’S face appears on the VIEWSCREEN.
COSMO
Yeah, he’s ready. Oh, Maynard wants to
know if he can come, too?
MAYNARD, a nerdy-looking youth who is skinny, has a goatee beard and is the PROFESSOR’S ASSISTANT, appears next to COSMO on the SCREEN. He gives a big idiot grin and speaks in a HIGH-PITCHED VOICE.
MAYNARD
Hi, Astra, can I come along?
ASTRA
If you must! Where’s Ba Nee, is he
ready?
COSMO
Uh, no, he hasn’t come down yet.
ASTRA
Why not?
COSMO
I think Betty’s having a pool party up
at her parent’s house.
ASTRA
Oh. Well, get him and bring him back,
okay? We’re coming up. (TURNS THE SCREEN
OFF) Soon the entire beachfront will
know about us!
20. EXTERIOR. BETTY’S HOUSE. NIGHT.
A very clean, modern and spacious HOUSE
with a large in-built swimming pool. BA NEE enters the HOUSE.
He goes into the HOUSE, past sliding glass doors.
21. INTERIOR. THE HOUSE. NIGHT.
Inside is wall-to-wall carpets, indoor plants and air-conditioned comfort. It is a testament to sleek, modern consumption. The feeling is like the cool of a warm night. He passes the huge, immaculate KITCHEN that has all the latest 50’s kitchen gadgets, and where BETTY’S MOTHER resides over her shiny pots and pans, preparing drinks. She looks like a typical 50’s TV consumer/housewife – skinny, attractive, wearing a dress.
BETTY’S MOTHER
Would you like a coke, Ba Nee?
BA NEE
Yes, thank you.
He goes on into the LOUNGE ROOM, where TWO CHILDREN lie in front of the television. One is SALLY, the other is BETTY’S LITTLE BROTHER. BETTY is on the couch.
He flops down next to her. We see that PRESIDENT KENNEDY is on the TV. He is talking about Vietnam or the ‘Cuban Crises’. We see some footage.
KENNEDY
(from TV)
‘Ask not what your country can do for
you, ask what you can do for your
country.’
Ignoring the TV, BA NEE moves closer to BETTY, puts his arm around her. They neck.
SALLY sees them, tells her BROTHER, they BABBLE. BETTY’S MOTHER comes in carrying a tray of Cokes. They quickly move apart.
BETTY’S MOTHER
Here you are, kids.
They take them gratefully. BA NEE’S RING suddenly begins to FLASH.
BETTY’S MOTHER
(AS SHE LEAVES) Oh, and Ba Nee, I think
your ring is beginning to flash.
BA NEE
(calmly)
Oh, thank you.
BETTY
(curious)
Ba nee? What is that?
BA NEE suddenly realises what it is for and gets up.
BA NEE
Sorry, Bet’, I hafta go.
BETTY
Oh, can’t you stay, for a little while
longer? (SHE POUTS) Just for me?
She bats her eyes appealingly.
BA NEE
Oh, alright.
He goes to her and they sit down again. We see him take the RING and drop it into a nearby pot plant.
22. EXTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S DRIVEWAY. NIGHT.
ASTRA, NUVO, CAN D, COSMO, THE PROFESSOR
and MAYNARD wait in the PROF’S old FX.
NUVO
What’s the place where we’re seeing this
character?
MAYNARD
‘The Purple Spider’. Don’t worry, it’s a
really cool place.
ASTRA
Well, he’s not coming. Let’s go.
COSMO
Can’t we wait a little longer?
NUVO
Yeah, can’t we give him a chance?
ASTRA
(firmly)
No. Look, he’s no longer responding to
orders! There’s nothing we can do for
him.
CAN D
Poor Ba Nee, I knew he’d crack up if he
got involved with an Earth girl…
They leave. Shortly we see a CAR following them.
The SCENE BLINKS with static.
23. EXTERIOR. A ROAD. NIGHT.
A YOUNG MAN, MR PARTRIDGE, drives his CAR along a BUSY STREET. He is obviously tired after a long day’s work. He wears, black rimmed glasses, a grey suit and tie and looks very ‘straight’.
SONG ‘Close Your Eyes’, by DORIS DAY can be heard.
SONG
Close your eyes.
Put your head on my shoulder and sleep.
Close your eyes, and I will close mine.
He seems very sleepy. SONG CONTINUES on as we survey the SIDEWALKS. A MOVIE HOUSE showing ‘West Side Story’ on the marquee, ROCKERS in their duck quills, huge gleaming CARS on the ROAD, a gaudy purple and green night club SIGN saying ‘The Purple Spider’.
SONG
Music play, something dreamy for dancing
While we’re here romancing.
It’s love’s holiday, and love will be our guide.
Close your eyes.
MR PARTRIDGE parks his CAR nearby.
24. INTERIOR. ‘THE PURPLE SPIDER’. NIGHT.
We slowly enter ‘The Purple Spider’ with MR PARTRIDGE. The SONG CONTINUES with a JAZZ PIANO SOLO, which we now see is being played by the club’s own JAZZ BAND and PIANO PLAYER.
‘The Purple Spider’ is very much a stereotyped ‘beat club’: smoky, dark, cramped full of ‘BEAT’ TYPES in goatee beards, berets, sunglasses and black clothes, tight dresses. There is a
small bar, thin coffee tables, cigarette machine and numerous ‘way-out’ wall paintings. A huge purple SPIDER, its eyes
glowing, hangs from the ceiling.
The PIANO PLAYER finishes his SOLO and a VINCE JONES-TYPE SINGER steps up to the microphone and, without missing a beat, launches into a COOL JAZZ VERSION of the ‘SpiderMan Theme’. The BAND’S SAXOPHANIST and DOUBLE BASS PLAYER jam with him as he twists and wriggles and interprets his way through the SONG.
SINGER
Spider Man, Spider Man,
Ooo, friendly neighbourhood Spider Man. Wow.
ETC
The BAND joins in. The SONG CONTINUES throughout the SCENE.
We see THE PROFESSOR, MAYNARD, MR PARTRIDGE and the CLAIRE CREATURES sitting around a coffee table. MR PARTRIDGE is writing things in his notebook. He seems tired but efficient.
Their little GROUP gets occasionally invaded by CURIOUS or FASCINATED ‘BEATS’.
MR PARTRIDGE
…What’s the campaign called?
CAN D
It’s called the ‘Galactic Information
Exchange Plan’.
ADMIRING BEAT
Love the threads. . .
ASTRA
We’re promoting ‘Claire Culture’, as
alien ambassadors of peace and trade.
MR PARTRIDGE
Sounds good. I’d advise you to tone down
the ‘alien’ angle a bit, though.
ASTRA
Okay.
COSMO
But that’s the whole point of the
Campaign!
CAN D
Don’t worry, we can work around it.
MR PARTRIDGE
That’s right. (CHUCKLES) After all, this
is advertising. Now, in your opinion,
what’s your main selling point?
MAYNARD
Are you kidding? Benefit from their vast
knowledge of the universe, access to
other planets and life forms. . .
PROF
Be quiet, Maynard!
MR PARTRIDGE
That’s okay. Sounds like a good, quality
product.
CURIOUS, AMAZED BEAT
We’re you’se from, man?
NUVO.
Planet Claire, man.
CURIOUS, AMAZED BEAT
Wherezat?
NUVO points his finger up to the ceiling.
CURIOUS, AMAZED BEAT
(LOOKS UP WIDE-EYED) Wow!
MR PARTRIDGE
Now, what about your target audience?
Who are you aiming for?
ASTRA
Oh, we’re looking at a youth market, for
the moment.
ASTRA
Yeah.
More and more BEATS begin to gather and
surround and listen to them, amazed.
MR PARTRIDGE
Surfers, kids hanging out on the beach,
gum chewers, rock n’ roll, that sort of
thing?
ASTRA
Yeah
More and more they gather and AUDIENCE OF BEATS, who surround and listen to them, amazed.
MR PARTRIDGE
(CRINGES)Okay. Good market: they’re earning a lot more these days. To get the high visibility you want that probably means TV, breakfast cereal packets, rock n roll concerts – how’s about we bring Coke in on this?
FADE CONVERSATION. We go back to the SINGER and his BAND.
SINGER
In the still of night,
At the scene of the crime,
Like a streak of light,
He arrives just in time.
In the crowd, bopping to the MUSIC, a GIRL notices MR PARTRIDGE and seems to recognise him. She goes over to him.
GIRL
Hey, Davy…Davy Partridge, where’ve you
been, man? I missed you!
PARTRIDGE recognises her. He is embarrassed.
MR PARTRIDGE
I don’t come here anymore.
GIRL
Where do you go, then?
MR PARTRIDGE
I work.
GIRL
Square!
She leaves, disappointed.
BEATS IN THE AUDIENCE
Yeah, that’s really square, man.
MR PARTRIDGE
(GETS UP, BLUSHING) Now, if that’s all,
I’ve had a hard day, and I’d like to go
home, where my mother will look after me
and give me warm milk, cookies and rest. I will contact you again soon. Goodbye. (HE
LEAVES)
CAN D
…So, who were those guys tailing us
before, Prof? What deadly secret do you
have hidden in your past?
PROF
Ha! They are after my secrets, and they
will never have them!
COSMO
This isn’t the first time they’ve tried?
PROF
No…It started back in the 40’s. I was
working at an experimental installation.
Top secret.
He leans over and WHISPERS. BEATS in the AUDIENCE lean forward as well.
PROF
But, between you and me, it was funded
by. . . one of the Superpowers and we were
to develop new weapons, for reasons they
would not tell us. Ha! So, what was I
supposed to do – calmly sit and eat
bread and cheese and eagerly discuss
events, like Kropotkin, while chaos and
pandemonium are all around?
An INSERT SHOT of KROPOTKIN, a bearded, balding and bespectacled old Russian anarchist theorist, sitting in a DUSTY CAFE, with some FRIENDS, calmly eating bread and cheese and eagerly discussing events while chaos and revolution and murder, etc, can be seen OUTSIDE.
END INSERT SHOT.
EVERYONE LAUGHS, especially the BEATS. One wipes a tear of laughter away.
The JAZZ BAND are now back into their PIANO SOLO (similar to the first PIANO SOLO).
EXTERIOR. ‘THE PURPLE SPIDER’. NIGHT.
We go OUTSIDE the c1ub. We again see the SIGN. MUSIC CONTINUES and turns back into
‘Close Your Eyes’.
25. EXTERIOR/INTERIOR. VARIOUS. NIGHT.
A QUICK MONTAGE of SHOTS. ‘Close Your Eyes’ OVER ALL.
– The City lights
– MR PARTRIDGE sleepily driving home.
- MR PARTRIDGE being welcomed HOME by his FAMILY in an idyllic home setting – soft lights, b/w TV, etc.
- MR PARTRIDGE devouring his dinner at HOME, waited on by a vigilant MOTHER.
– MR PARTRIDGE dropping into bed, closing his eyes. The side light goes OFF.
SONG
Close your eyes.
When you open them dear I’ll be here,
By your side. Close your eyes. . .
SONG ENDS.
The SCENE BLINKS with static.
26. INTERIOR. MR MEISE’S OFFICE. EVENING.
An American newsreel film on National Housing Developments After World War II is being shown to MR MEISE. Corny official MARCHING MUSIC is heard UNDERNEATH the COMMENTARY. We see SHOTS of identical housing units.
An AID whispers something into MR MEISE’s ear in the DARKENED OFFICE as he watches the film.
COMMENTARY
‘…when the National Housing Agency
determined the need for 17,000,000 new
housing units to be built in the course
of the coming decade, the Federal
government and real estate developers
met the challenge admirably.’
We see SHOTS of BUSINESSMEN making deals, and RETURNING SOLDIERS coming off their boats.
COMMENTARY
(CONTINUED) ‘Middle income housing
policies allowed veterans to borrow the
entire cost of their houses without down
payments. Materials were available in
abundance…’
We see SHOTS of graders and bulldozers ripping up grounds.
COMMENTARY
(CONTINUED) ‘Acres of land were being
bulldozed all over the country, turning
virgin rural areas into grist for the
developer’s mill. Builders managed to
manipulate Housing Act programs to reap
huge illegal profits…’
MR MEISE
Alright, turn it off, I’ve had enough!
LIGHTS GO ON. THE FILM STOPS.
The OFFICE is very ‘Fifties Modern’, giving off very much a feeling of wealth, luxury and ‘a realm of pure forms’, with plush leather seats, large immaculate desk, indoor plants and expensive high-rise CITY VIEWS. There is also a long table with an architect’s MODEL LANDSCAPE AND BUILDING.
PARKER comes in.
MR MEISE
Come on in, me
boy. Let me show you something.
He gets up and greets PARKER, then leads him over to the MODEL BEACH-SIDE ESTATE BUILDING.
MR MEISE
Well, here it is, here’s my scale model.
What do you think?
PARKER
Impressive!
We slowly view the MODEL in its entirety. It is an example of ‘Meisian architecture’: a simple design with acres of glass and pavement. A simple water fountain stands within what looks like a courtyard. We see one sole figure who represents MEISE inside the courtyard. Outside, on the BEACH and in the blue paper mache surf we see little brown figures representing the ‘KIDS’. The legs of one can be seen squashed underneath the main building.
MR MEISE
‘Meise Manor’! Five floors, two-hundred
rooms. The architect’s a genius: a
realm of pure forms tragic in their
yearning for an absolute perfection!
PARKER
(breathless)
What use will it be put to, sir?
MR MEISE
Use?! It’s going to be my own personal
shrine to business and technology! It’s
not meant to be inhabited. Having people
there to clutter it up would only spoil
the aesthetic impact of the building’s
perfect symmetry…It will have only one
occupant: myself…I don’t want them…
beach bums around – are they still there?
PARKER
Yes, still surfing and ‘having fun’.
They don’t know what’s going to hit
them!
As MR MEISE talks he takes the little figures of the beach kids and dumps them into the fountain, one by one.
MR MEISE
As soon as the deal for the land goes
through we can kick them out. We won’t
get any trouble from them. What can they
do?
He presses a button which activates the flusher facility on the fountain. The KIDS are flushed down the fountain. MEISE gives a SINISTER LAUGH.
27. ‘SURREAL’ MONTAGE.
ATMOS MUSIC THROUGHOUT. We follow the BEACH KIDS down the FOUNTAIN WHIRLPOOL EFFECT. The BEACH KIDS become real. We hear their SCREAMS.
The SCENE BLINKS with STATIC.
28. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. DUSK.
BA NEE and BETTY are surfing together or BA NEE is trying to show BETTY how to surf.
Further along the BEACH we see a BILLBOARD giving notice of building developments soon to take place along the BEACH SITE, care of ‘Meise Developments’.
29. INTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S LAB/LOUNGE. DUSK.
COSMO stands in front of the window overlooking the BEACH and the orange sunset. He sees BA NEE and BETTY down below. Presently, he talks into his walkie-talkie.
COSMO
(STATIC) Nuvo, Astra wants a progress
report on the Trism: is it ready to go
in yet?
INSERT SHOT. NUVO, inside the SHIP, on his walkie-talkie.
NUVO
Not yet, but we’re nearly there…How
are the subliminals coming along?
END INSERT SHOT
COSMO
Fine, just fine.
He turns the walkie-talkie off and turns around to look at the TV/video set-up he has installed in the LAB/LOUNGE. A SUBLIMINAL AD for the CC’s Trism industry and ‘G.I.P.’ campaign is being run. We see a bit of the AD: A modern, attractive, easy-going, smiling GIRL steps off the curb of a BUSY STREET straight into a clearly labeled ‘Trism Booth’. SONG: ‘Trism’, by THE B52’s on SOUNDTRACK.
SONG
She has to leave, she has to go.
The fastest way is by Trism.
INSIDE the Trism, she pushes some Destination buttons and punches her card into a slot. There are some SPECIAL EFFECTS and then she steps out, nonchalantly, onto the BUSY STREET of ANOTHER PLANET.
30. INTERIOR. THE PROFESSOR’S BOMB SHELTER. DUSK.
The PROF is sitting at BESSY, punching the keys, while ASTRA and CAN D look on. BESSY is providing a rapid, detailed overview of Earth society, history, statistics, demographics, etc.
We see some of the DATA as it goes through on the SCREEN: maps, photos, text, mathematical formulae, etc, all at EYE-BLINK RAPID PACE.
PROF
So, you say the data I’m processing from
Bessy here is really being collected
and stored by your own ship-board
computer?
ASTRA
Yeah, it’s quite easy to do.
PROF
Amazing!
31. INTERIOR. CC’s SPACE SHIP. DUSK.
Inside the SHIP, we see NUVO working on assembling the Trism (it looks like a Giant, but very sophisticated Mechano set).
We see the SHIP’S COMPUTER processing DATA from BESSY. The computer is also able to INTERPRET DATA and predict future trends for Earth, based on the DATA it is receiving. So, between the same maps, photos, text, mathematical formulae, etc that BESSY provides, we also see, in SUBLIMINAL EYE-BLINK FLASHES, examples
of such INTERPRETATIONS and PREDICTED TRENDS.
SCREEN TEXT:
Political/Economic bias. . . (BLINK)
Factional interests. . . (BLINK)
Government inability to cope. . .(BLINK)
Rigid social controls. . . (BLINK)
Favourable trade and exploitation scenario. . . (BLINK)
Projected trends based on data…(BLINK)
Continuing massive social and economic divisions. . .(BLINK)
Mass unemployment population: Expendable. . . (BLINK)
50% Production: Expendable. . . (BLINK)
Projected Resource Depletion at present rate: 30 Years…
(BLINK}
Possibility of global annihilation before projected Resource Depletion Rate: 40%. . . (BLINK)
40%. . . (BLINK)
Expendable. . . (BLINK)
Recommended. . . (BLINK)
32. INTERIOR. PROFESSOR’S BOMB SHELTER. DUSK.
A light flashes on four times next to the COMPUTER. It is obviously a signal.
PROF
That’s Maynard. Let him in. Let’s see
what he wants.
CAN D opens the hatch. MAYNARD comes in. He is excited.
MAYNARD
Hey Prof’, you’d better come and have a
look. There’s a billboard down on the
beach that says the beach is now private
property, and someone’s gonna build on
it!
PROF
What? That damn Meise!
ASTRA takes CAN D aside, while MAYNARD and the PROF carry on.
ASTRA
We can use this to our advantage.
CAN D
How?
The SCENE BLINKS with static.
33. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
A NOTICE is put up over the BUILDING NOTICE on the BEACH. The NOTICE is about a ‘Save the Beach Concert’ to be held near the BEACH. It includes WANDA JACKSON, various local big names and the CC’s as ‘special alien attraction’. CURIOUS BEACH PEOPLE look on excitedly. PARKER looks on as well. He doesn’t look happy.
34. INTERIOR. PROFESSOR’S LAB/LOUNGE. AFTERNOON
The PROFESSOR is working on an experiment. MAYNARD assists him.
MAYNARD
Boy, I wish I could sing or play music.
I could play in the concert.
PROF
Don’t get too excited, Maynard. It may not go ahead.
MAYNARD
Why not?
PROF
Meise is complaining.
MAYNARD
Oh well. Still, it would be nice to be creative – like you, Prof’.
PROF
We all have the ability to create, my boy, but not everyone realises it, or cares about developing it. . .But, then again, in
this day and age we rarely do what comes
natural, hey?
He pours a SMALL BOTTLE OF COKE into a half-filled test-tube. It fizzes and overflows.
PROF
Ah, too toxic!
MAYNARD
But do you really think we can create a
hydrogen steady-state economy,
Professor?
PROF
Why not? A closed mind never advanced
the cause of science!
MAYNARD
But economies is such an. . . inexact
science, Professor. It’s dealing with
people. How can you make a formula out
of people? Shouldn’t we think about this
some more?
PROF
When science fails, art takes over!…Don’t worry, my boy, self expression is a wonderful thing. It’s kept me sane all these years. That’s why they’re after me.
He pours some BREAKFAST CEREAL into a jar. We see a drawing of the CC’s on the back of the packet, and the words: ‘One inside every packet! Free!’
35. INTERIOR. MEISE’S OFFICE. AFTERNOON.
MEISE sits in his chair, talking to someone by phone.
MEISE
Damn kids. They won’t get away with
It! . . . I want you to find who’s behind
it. Start with that nutty professor
above the beach. . . I don’t know.
Sabotage, have it shut down,
whatever. . . Right now, stupid!
The CC’s come in unannounced.
MEISE
Who the hell are you? How’d you get, in?
He reaches for a button on his desk.
NUVO
We’re from Claire.
ASTRA
The concert must go on, Mr Meise.
MEISE
(speaks into
his intercom)
Miss Meyer…Damn!
(he looks up)
Miss Meyer. What?
THE CC’s are suddenly wearing their space clothes and hold musical instruments.
CAN D
(to the GUYS)
Hit it.
They play their instruments (the opening Theme tune). The women do their ‘Claire Dance’. MR MEISE looks both nervous and mesmerised. They are very persuasive.
36. INTERIOR. SECRETARY’S OFFICE. AFTERNOON.
PARKER and MISS MEYER are confused. Why can’t they open MEISE’S door? Why can’t MISS MEYER get through on the intercom? And who were those strange people? We hear the Opening Theme, FAINTLY.
PARKER
What’s going on in there?
MISS MEYER
I don’t know, I can’t get in!
PARKER
(LISTENS) What’s that sound?
37. INTERIOR. MEISE ‘S OFFICE. AFTERNOON.
All the CC’s, except ASTRA, are leaving. MEISE is dishevelled, but acquiescent, even happy. A deal has been struck. He stands
looking at his MODEL.
MEISE
Alright, we’ll put the stalls over here.
The kids can dance and have fun
here… And you say we get Wanda? (ASTRA
NODS) And you did say Meise Holdings can
have 50% profits?
ASTRA
Yes.
MEISE
Fine, fine. It’s on then! Goodbye!
She leaves. The SCENE BLINKS with static.
38. INTERIOR. PROF’S LAB/LOUNGE. EVENING.
The PROFESSOR and MAYNARD continue their experiments.
The PROF brings up a program of a Hydrogen structure on a COMPUTER TERMINAL that is tied into Bessy. His atomic structure model is also right in front of him, as a guide.
MAYNARD is transcribing information from the COMPUTER onto a large sheet of paper with a two-dimensional representation of the Hydrogen structure. The PROFESSOR reads it off for him.
PROF
Okay, 25 connections between point A and
point B, 36 between B and C, and 51
between C and D. . .
MAYNARD
(LAUGHS) Sounds like an atomic Mechano
set…Hey Prof’, what happens if we put
in 50 connections instead of 51?
PROF
(LOOKS AGHAST) Then the entire social
order I’m creating will break down!
MAYNARD
Ooh, sounds dangerous.
PROF
Yes, it is. This is an important
Experiment. We have to think beyond the
current trends of thought and ideology.
We have to dream, to envisage new forms
of social order, because the old ones
are collapsing.
MAYNARD
Sounds important.
A BUZZER RINGS, indicating visitors at the door. The PROF goes to the door. Opens it. It is agents STRONGBOW and CUTTLEFISH! Both dressed in grey suits and hats and dark glasses.
STRONGBOW
Professor Partridge?
PROF
Yes?
They both flash badges of some sort.
STRONGBOW
Agent Strongbow and Agent Cuttlefish of
Secret Services…we’d like you to come
with us, sir. (SEES MAYNARD) The beatnik
as well.
PROF
Why? I’ve done nothing!
STRONGBOW
There has been considerable UFO activity
in the vacinity, sir, and we believe it
may be originating from this base. We
also believe you may be conspiring
against the government and
(with distaste)
a Communist sympathiser.
CUTTLEFISH
(casually, reading
from a list)
We also believe you may be threatening
the very fabric of the universe with
your experiments and, uh, harboring
illegal aliens.
39. EXTERIOR. PROFESSOR’S CAR. DUSK.
The CLAIRE CREATURES arriving back at the BEACH.
CAN D
What are we gonna do with the prof, anyway?
COSMO
Yeah, he’s a crazy old coot. He’s
getting in the way.
They all get out of the CAR and walk towards the PROF’S house,
ASTRA
Well, we’ll just have to keep him away
from that bomb shelter. He’s not so
crazy that he won’t work out what we’re
doing in there soon enough. We need the
information in that computer.
NUVO
And the Trism.
ASTRA
Oh yes, and the Trism.
They see the TWO AGENTS struggling with the PROF and MAYNARD amongst the DINOSAURS.
CAN D
Hey look!
ASTRA
Get ‘em!
They run towards them. The AGENTS see them and get their guns out. The CC’s fire their phasers and freeze the AGENTS where they stand, amongst the DINOSAURS.
PROF
My friends, thank you for saving us!
ASTRA
Come on Prof. They’ll thaw out soon.
It’s not safe for you around here now.
We’d better take you to the ship.
ASTRA looks at the OTHERS to signal that their opportunity has come. They help the PROF and MAYNARD along.
PROF
But I can’t leave Bessy and my
experiments!
NUVO
Don’t worry, we’ll look after them.
40. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH, DUSK.
We see that the STAGE is nearly completed for the concert. The tarpaulin above the stage proclaims ‘Meise Management presents Wanda, and the Creatures From Space Save the Beach Concert’. An EARLY CROWD of BEACH REVELLERS are already arriving.
Further up the BEACH BA NEE plays with BETTY and some others. BA NEE sees the CCs take MAYNARD and the PROF into the SHIP. He looks thoughtful and curious and perhaps a little worried,
The SCENE BLINKS with static.
41. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
The CONCERT is in full swing as WANDA JACKSON belts out her SONG ‘The Funnel Of Love’. The horizon out to sea gives off another pale, orange, ‘Claire-like’ g1ow, with scattered, thin, dark clouds, creating an ethereal back-drop to WANDA’s own ethereal number. There are also numerous COKE ads and posters of the CC’s around the stage. WANDA wears a body-hugging dress, cowboy boots and a high black wig.
There is a FULL BAND playing behind her, with BACKING SINGERS, MALE and FEMALE. All wear formal suits or party dresses. WANDA herself plays finger bells, which come into the song from time to time.
WANDA
(sings)
‘Here I go falling down, down down.
‘My mind is a blank, my head is spinning
‘Around and around as I go
‘Deep into the Funnel of Love.’
We see the LARGE CROWD of Fifties-type ‘youngsters’ enjoying the show. Most are in their late teens or early twenties. Most are dressed casually in shorts, slacks, cardigans, sunglasses, etc. OTHERS, who still wear their bathing suits, are seen dancing. BA NEE and BETTY are among this group.
There are a number of ‘Save The Beach’-type placards on display within the CROWD, and a large billboard to the side that features CAN D as a space age receptionist holding a phone, with the legend: ‘For galactic information, call me, (and phone number)’
We see CUTTLEFISH and STRONGBOW, the agents, hovering about on the fringes of the CROWD. CUTTLEFISH talks into a walkie-talkie as he eyes the CROWD.
CUTTLEFISH
This is Cuttlefish. No sign of him. Over.
VOICE
(from other end
of walkie talkie)
Continue Survellience. Over and out.
EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
Further down the BEACH, behind the stage, MEISE excitedly marks out the site of his intended shrine. PARKER follows closely behind him dutifully putting in marking pegs as MEISE instructs him.
MUSIC CONTINUED in BACKGROUND.
MEISE
Here…And here. . .Hurry up, man! (LOOKS
TOWARDS THE STAGE)
(sings along
with WANDA)
‘It’s bound to get you someday.’ (DOES A
PARODY OF A DANCE. LAUGHS)
42. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
WANDA FINISHES her SONG. The CROWD YELLS and APPLAUDS. The stage curtains come down and the MC comes out as WANDA and her BAND leave the stage. He is a younger, more energetic Brian Henderson (or Johnny Young or Ian Meldrum).
MC
Yeah, how about that! Wanda Jackson,
ladies and gentlemen! . . . I’m glad you all could make it to this ‘Save The Beach’
concert. I know we’re gonna do a lot of
good by our presence here today…Now I
wanna introduce you to four very unique
individuals; they have a very special
messaqe for you, so give them your
undivided attention. The Claire
Creatures From outer Space!
ECSTATIC APPLAUSE as the MC leaves and the curtain rises to reveal the CC’s, who begin their NUMBER immediately: ’53 Miles West of Venus’ (by THE B52’s). They are all in their sharpest alien outfits. CAN D and ASTRA dance while NUVO and COSMO play their instruments (drums and guitar). Then ASTRA begins on keyboard and both girls do their harmonies, then their lead vocals.
ASTRA/CAN D
(singing)
’53 miles west of Venus,
’53 miles west of Venus,
’53 miles west of Venus,
’53 mi les west of . . . Venus!’
The CROWD are spellbound. They dance to the
SONG, they ‘dig it’.
CROWD
’53 miles west of Venus,
’53 miles west of Venus…’
A GUY goes up to the billboard of CAN D
And kisses the lips.
CUTTLEFISH and STRONGBOW are seen tentatively dancing and SINGING and generally getting into the music.
BA NEE and BETTY look around at the CROWD with some concern. BA NEE WHISPERS something into BETTY’s ear. She nods.
Perhaps the CC’s do MORE NUMBERS first or we cut immediately to…BA NEE and BETTY leaving the concert to help the PROFESSOR and MAYNARD.
43. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
BA NEE and BETTY run up to the CLAIRE’s SPACESHIP/ABODE. BA NEE operates the opening mechanism.
MUSIC CONTINUES in BACKGROUND.
BA NEE
It’s locked!
BETTY
Oh, what’ll we do now?
BA NEE
I’ll have to break the lock. Stand back.
BA NEE breaks the lock. He stands back
with his phaser. It opens. They get in.
INTERIOR. THE CLAIR SHIP. AFTERNOON.
MUSIC is barely heard in BACKGROUND.
BA NEE
Professor?
BETTY
Maynard?
They find MAYNARD and the PROF inside the BOOTH, which has been turned into a very realistic approximation of the PROFESSOR’s LAB/LOUNGE, but with a surrounding force-field that keeps them in.
MAYNARD
Hi! How’s the concert going?
BA NEE turns off the force-field.
BA NEE
No time for that…Is the Prof alright?
PROF
(GETTING UP) Yes I’m alright. Our
‘friends’ seem to have kidnapped us.
Now, why did they do that?
We hear a LOUD NOISE, like a bomb, going off OUTSIDE, OFFSCREEN.
BETTY
What was that?
44. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
From the BEACH we can see the beginnings of the plume of an ATOM BOMB EXPLOSION rising above Perth nearby. The FLASH hits the BEACH.
The MUSIC STOPS suddenly at the CONCERT. There is a HUSHED PAUSE. On stage, the CC’s look at each other in resignation.
ASTRA
(disgusted)
We keep losing more and more customers
this way.
They start putting down their instruments. A GIRL in the CROWD SCREAMS. The CROWD becomes fearful. They start scattering everywhere.
CUTTLEFISH and STRONGBOW remain calm while the chaos goes on around them, and a RADIOACTIVE WIND BEGINS TO BLOW – apparently they knew this would happen. They fight against the WIND.
CUTTLEFISH
(LOOKS AT HIS WATCH) They’re too soon.
STRONGBOW
(LOOKS AT HIS WATCH, THEN CUTTLEFISH’s)
No, they’re right on time. Your watch is
fast,
CUTTLEFISH
Oh! What kind do you have?
STRONGBOW
A ‘Citizen’. Keeps good time.
CUTTLEFISH
Damn, I knew I should have got one of
those!
At about this point and CONTINUING TO THE END OF THIS SECTION we begin to see the edges of a TV SCREEN, FRAMING the action. We see more and more of the SCREEN until the entire television can be seen. The ONSCREEN action can still be seen, but it seems to have receded from us somewhat, we are more distanced from it, because of the FRAME. The spaces around the television begin to show strange colourful, computerised graphics (ala MAX HEADROOM) that move and pulsate. SPARKS begin to come from out the back of the television, Then, towards the end, the television and the FRAME begin to slowly disappear again, restoring the FULL SCREEN IMAGE.
EERIE, SUSPENCEFUL MUSIC accompanies this section.
45. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
The WIND CONTINUES. BA NEE, BETTY, THE PROF and MAYNARD appear outside the CC’s ship.
BETTY
What is it?
PROF
I’m afraid they’ve gone and done it:
they’ve pressed The Button. Fools!
BETTY
You mean – ?
PROF
Yes. Come now, to my bomb shelter!
BETTY
(distraught)
But what about my family, and all my
friends?
BA NEE
(HOLDS HER HANDS) We can’t help them.
They’ re on their own now. I ‘m sorry,
Betty.
BETTY holds onto BA NEE as they head for the SHELTER.
46. INTERIOR. BETTY’S HOUSE. AFTERNOON.
The WIND is blowing FIERCELY OUTSIDE. BETTY’S MOTHER is closing all the doors and windows of her house. BETTY’S FATHER joins his WIFE in the KITCHEN.
BETTY’S FATHER
(annoyed)
What’s going on: the damn TV’s not
working!
BETTY’S MOTHER
(calmly)
I think it’s the Atom Bomb, darling.
BETTY’S FATHER
Oh, that explains it!
There is a KNOCKING at the door. BETTY’S MOTHER answers it. It is BETTY’S LITTLE BROTHER. He is all black and grimy and possibly suffering shock. He sways at the door.
BETTY’S BROTHER
(weakly, guiltily)
Hi mum…
BETTY’S MOTHER
Oh, Sam, you forgot to duck and cover,
didn’t you!
47. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
The WIND is still BLOWING FIERCELY. BA NEE, BETTY, MAYNARD and the PROF arrive at the PROFESSOR’s BOMB SHELTER. All but the PROF go inside.
PROF
Quickly! Wait for me inside.
The PROF goes around the back of the SHELTER and starts the GENERATOR which powers the SHELTER. He then enters the SHELTER.
48. INTERIOR. THE BOMB SHELTER. AFTERNOON.
It is DARK. We HEAR them stumbling around.
MAYNARD
Where’s the Prof?
BETTY
I don’t know.
PROF
Here I am!
The PROF TURNS ON the LIGHT. They all look around at their surroundings. They are quiet. The WIND BLOWS MUTELY OUTSIDE.
BETTY
It’s terrible.
BA NEE
What went wrong?
BA NEE holds her. The PROF turns his attention to BESSY to get information about the ‘Disaster’.
PROF
Well, I’ll see what Bessy can tell us.
MAYNARD notices something strange about the SHELTER, as though additions have been added (which they have).
MAYNARD
Hey, Prof, do you notice something
strange about this place now?
PROF
What?
49. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. AFTERNOON.
The WIND continues to BLOW FIERCELY. The concert stage is in tatters, and billboards and chairs are knocked over or roll along the sand.
Further down the BEACH, MEISE’s marking pegs are all but covered in the sand that the WIND has blown over them.
The SCENE BLINKS with static.
50. EXTERIOR. THE BEACH. DAY.
We see a few more SHOTS of the debris on the BEACH. The WIND is still blowing, but less fiercely now.
We see the BOMB SHELTER.
51. INTERIOR. THE BOMB SHELTER. DAY.
INSIDE the BOMB SHELTER (which had been turned into a TRISM by the CLAIRE CREATURES), the TRISM has been activated, causing lights to pulsate and a HIGH-PITCH NOISE. The PROFESSOR, MAYNARD and BETTY are scared and confused, thinking a bomb or something has dropped on them. Only BA NEE knows what’s going on but he doesn’t want to tell them. They all huddle together.
BETTY
(scared)
What’s happening?
PROF
A bomb must have dropped near us.
MAYNARD
It won’t be long now…
All of a sudden, the commotion, the lights, STOP. The HIGH-PITCHED NOISE DESCENDS to a low frequency, then SILENCE.
BETTY
…What is it?
MAYNARD
Should I go outside and have a look?
PROF
Alright, Maynard. But be careful.
MAYNARD
Okay. (HE GOES)
Everyone looks scared and expectant, except BA NEE, who only looks resigned.
BA NEE
It’ll be alright.
BETTY
(comforted)
Yeah?
They wait. Then. . .
MAYNARD
(excited)
(FROM OUTSIDE) Hey!…Hey!
PROF
(yells)
What is it, Maynard?
MAYNARD
(FROM OUTSIDE) Come on up. It’s great!
They all look uncertainly at each other, then they head for the hatch.
52. EXTERIOR. THE CC’S PLANET. DAY.
They start coming out of the hatch. MAYNARD stands a little further away, looking at something in the distance. They are all stare at it in wonder.
We see that they are standing on a grassy hill overlooking the futuristic CLAIRE landscape and spacey CLAIRE CITY that we saw earlier in ASTRA’S HOLOGRAMMIC BOOTH.
BETTY
Wow!
The PROFESSOR starts laughing uncontrollably. BA NEE gives a wry smile and starts shaking his head slowly. BETTY smiles.
MAYNARD
It’s not so bad after all!
The SCREEN BLINKS with static.
53. EXTERIOR. A ROAD. NIGHT.
MR PARTRIDGE (from No Place Like Home) drives along a quiet country road, in a valley surrounded by large hills. The CAR shoots off into the distance, its taillights getting smaller and smaller.
Presently, the CLAIRE CREATURE’S SPACE SHIP comes into view from ABOVE, following MR PARTRIDGE’s CAR down the road.
END MUSIC BEGINS: The Opening Theme.
END CREDITS COME UP, featuring SMALL INSERT SHOTS of ASTRA and CAN D, in silhouette, doing their ‘Claire Dance’.
THE END CREDITS COME UP.